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Question
Posted by: Marietjie | 2010/07/30

why do i attract such ppl - this is becoming a problem

Hi CS and All

I have a concern, really! I am 31year old female, works in a corporate environment, drive a decent car, live in a suburb, dolled up (make up, hair, nails) fairly beautiful =O) (i''d like to think)...

My problem is that i do not attact men of such calibre - decent, educated, well mannered etc etc! We could be having offices renovated and guess what? the contractors will be checking me out - no, not their boss, supervisor or whatever.... i will be in a mall or wherever i just attract people of a different ideology!

i do not " class"  people, my baby''s father was a tiler (whom i believed could build himself up and propably have a company of his own) that did not happen apart from us splitting. I don''t know what it is that i''m not doing to attract men that can take care of me you know (should anything happen to me) or at least someone that can compliment me! I stand the risk of being judged by those that do not understand where i''m coming from, but i need someone who can at least meet me half way!

Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The quesion may not really be about why you MEET such peopl - there aere enough of them around - but why you choose to date them and stick around them. Maybe some types of guy are obvious about "checking you out" ; you don't have to respond to them, other than politely. And having a child with someone is rather more than just being polite. Maybe the sort of guys you would prefer are less obvious, and you'd need to figure out where to meet them and let them get to know you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maritjie | 2010/07/30

great stuff - will do so!

Reply to Maritjie
Posted by: Maritjie | 2010/07/30

great stuff - will do so!

Reply to Maritjie
Posted by: Phil | 2010/07/30

That''s just the name, it really is a group of normal people that went through breakups. Need advice, some of us chat on e-mail, but the fb site is just a good and safe place to get in touch. If you have trouble finding it, just post.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Marietjie | 2010/07/30

Am not divorced but i guess it won''t harm  -)

Reply to Marietjie
Posted by: Phil | 2010/07/30

Well, come join the divorce support group, h24 and there are 25 members.
Sometimes the men/woman with money aren''t nessasrilly the best catches hey... Some guys and ladies might have just gone through a rough patc, if that isn''t the case....lol - then I am in trouble!
Anyhow, I didn''t mean that you are a negative person as such. I''m just saying, that if we think/suspect something to be true that sometimes we can spend too much time on that, and that might become a way of seeing ourselves. So, look forward to chatting with you on our group''s site?

Reply to Phil
Posted by: TG | 2010/07/30

You should enjoy the lusty looks you get from males. It doesn''t mean you need to go on a date with them! When you older and no-one looks at you, you''ll miss it!

Reply to TG
Posted by: Marietjie | 2010/07/30

Thanks for your honest opinion Phil. I have dated men that drive the latest cars but did not end up marrying one! I know that love begets love and so on, i am not a negative person at all ok, and i have a good self esteem and I don''t act like a hoochie around these men (i smile with everyone) - i guess that''s just a general rule! A lot of men find me to be interrogating (too seriouse) etc but those that are willing to take the chance of being switched off are just willing to take the risk! I do need pointers as i believe that good men are all over the place!

Reply to Marietjie
Posted by: Phil | 2010/07/30

Look, to give you and honest opinion one would have to know you a bit better. Since I don''t know you so well, I will take a guess. By the way, it isn''t so hard to make friwnds on this site, we have a fb group.

Anyhow, sometimes it is the way we see ourselves. sometimes if we negative it will attract negativity. My point, maybe you have become what you think? Seriously, this can and do happen. But, there are ways to teachourselves diffirent, not easy. With some help, and friends you can change and actually live the diffirence. Let us know if you need some pointers.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Marietjie | 2010/07/30

Thank you for understanding Bongi, at least i know i''m not crazy
! my ex left me with bills of all the clothing shops you can think of as i was trying to " clean him up"  so that we could be on the same level so i know for sure that i don''t want to go that route ever again - but how do i get these guys not to even look at me? I don''t want them to percieve me as this rude woman who thinks she''s better than everyone else!

Reply to Marietjie
Posted by: Bongi | 2010/07/30

I assure you - the people who call you shallow for setting a certain standard for yourself would never date a petrol attendant themselves - they just say it because their men are not waiters. I for one am not prepared to take on more financial pressure by being with someone who will send me " please call me"  or " please come pick me up" . I cannot be with someone and then be worse off than I am now. I am not asking him to me stinking rich - in fact I DON''T WANT HIS MONEY, I just need him to be able to take care of HIMSELF.

People say they would rather have love and be poor - they lie. Poverty is painful. Even with that love filling the house, you still need to pay the bond and you still need food on the table.

So, I understand you very well. I am not digging for platinum myself (or gold for that matter), but I will not settle for coal.

You know you can never tell if a guy really loves you or if he is just playing you. A lot of them play these days. But I would rather be played by someone who will not leave me with a BROKE broken heart. I have heard of many stories of the " poor"  guys that cleaned out a woman and disappeared while all she was doing was to be NOT SHALLOW.

Reply to Bongi
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/30

The quesion may not really be about why you MEET such peopl - there aere enough of them around - but why you choose to date them and stick around them. Maybe some types of guy are obvious about "checking you out" ; you don't have to respond to them, other than politely. And having a child with someone is rather more than just being polite. Maybe the sort of guys you would prefer are less obvious, and you'd need to figure out where to meet them and let them get to know you ?

Reply to cybershrink

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