advertisement
Question
Posted by: Fiona | 2011/08/22

Why did my sister do this to me?!

I’ m so angry! My fiancé  and I announced our engagement a couple of weeks ago. Yay, everyone was happy for us. Well, almost everyone. Then last week I hear from my other sister that my older sister and her boyfriend, not wanting to be out of the spotlight, decided that they wanted to get married. I say nothing but secretly hope that they at least have the decency to wait until I’ m married for a few months at least. No, they announce it to the family today. I am so upset. I never had the attention my sisters had (typical middle child syndrome) and this was supposed to be MY time. I was supposed to get the attention. Now, everyone is ooooohing and aaaaahhhhhing to my older sister. Why did she steal my thunder? Just once, I wanted to have the attention all to myself- my older sister was always the “ best, most well liked who could get away with murder”  one, while my younger sister was the “ baby who could get away with murder” . This was the only chance I had that the whole family would be happy for me, instead of thinking my depressed ways would corrupt my younger cousins, or whatever it is they think of me these days. Why did she do this to me?!!!!!!!

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sad, isn't it. But in any family where you feel you have to struggle to get "the attention", that attention isn't worth having.
If she, pathetically feels she needs to steal your thunder, how desperate ( for thunder ) she must me.
I know it's not easy for you to realize this right now, but you have absolutely no need for "the family to feel happy for me" - the weding should be about you and your man feeling happy for and about yourselves and each other.
Presumably your actual wedding will take place before hers ? Anyway, even that doesn't matter, so long as it's a distinctly different time.
Those other nasty and selfish people have no power whatsoever over your happiness, except for whatever power you choose to give them. Give them none.
Caro's idea of an elopement sounds interesting - it'd grab their attention without actually asking for any. And what could she then do to compete - elope too, but go further away ?
Congratulations on your engagement. Have a happy marriage, for your own sakes, and let your sister learn crochet

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

7
Our users say:
Posted by: deon | 2011/08/23

I think your sister need to get married before u. That how it is suppossed to be in african way.

Reply to deon
Posted by: HHH | 2011/08/23

i think what fiona is trying to say is that she''s felt... not as important as her sisters her whole life and just when shes doing something that makes her different from her sisters they do the same thing as she is? I have a sister and a brother and i get what shes saying.

Reply to HHH
Posted by: Fiona | 2011/08/23

Thanks Caro. I would elope (that does sound romantic) but I don’ t want it to be in a court or anything- I want it to be a big day were all can celebrate. Thank you for your advice, and thanks for the congratulations. Truth, I do appreciate your answer very much, but I think considering I have not actually done anything yet I think I’ ve handled this remarkably well. I’ m not being immature, and I know marriage is serious (it is something I have been wanting for a long time). I do care about what people think, considering the treatment we are getting from his family it hurts that my sister has done this. K, I do like being fussed over a bit, mainly because I was NEVER fussed over and it makes for nice change to feel like my family actually has the time or energy for me. It is very depressing when you are second or third best your whole life. Yes I would still get married, but I would prefer to make a day of it. Court weddings seem too “ formal”  and “ impersonal”  and in my opinion, not a good way to start a life together no matter how much you love the person (and I love this person so much that I waited years for this). And I do understand where you are coming from, but every bride to be deserves the best. Nothing wrong with that.

Reply to Fiona
Posted by: K | 2011/08/23

it sounds like you are into the wedding because you like being fussed over?

would you still get married if marriage was a private affair, no guests, no hoopla, no ceremony??

Lot of growing up still to do......it is supposed to be about your love for your partner and your commitment, NOT about the attention from others

Reply to K
Posted by: Truth | 2011/08/22

She did this to you because she knew you would react immaturely and she would upset you!
Marriage is a seroius grown up commitment and l worry if you are ready for such a commitment?
Who cares who gets married first this is about you and your life partners future.
Please get some councelling to realise what the big issues in life really are!

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Caro | 2011/08/22

Be happy for yourself. Why let sibling rivalry depress you. If she is attention-seeking it says more about her than about you. Why don''t you elope? It will be cheaper, get you lots of attention, and you can get to live your own happy life much quicker.

Make you own thunder. Be your own person. You dont have value simply because your sister/s or family give it to you. How miserable are you now making yourself and your fiance by being upset about somebody else''s engagement? Is it really worth it?Sing a happy song that someone loves you and wants to marry you and that you love him back.
You are getting married because you are now grown up. Not being dependant on your parents or sisters for making you feel worthy will go a long way to prove this. Stop competing with others even if they are competing with you.
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT. I wish you all the happiness and contentment in your married life. All the best. Play some happy music and make it up to your love for being miserable these past few days.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/22

Sad, isn't it. But in any family where you feel you have to struggle to get "the attention", that attention isn't worth having.
If she, pathetically feels she needs to steal your thunder, how desperate ( for thunder ) she must me.
I know it's not easy for you to realize this right now, but you have absolutely no need for "the family to feel happy for me" - the weding should be about you and your man feeling happy for and about yourselves and each other.
Presumably your actual wedding will take place before hers ? Anyway, even that doesn't matter, so long as it's a distinctly different time.
Those other nasty and selfish people have no power whatsoever over your happiness, except for whatever power you choose to give them. Give them none.
Caro's idea of an elopement sounds interesting - it'd grab their attention without actually asking for any. And what could she then do to compete - elope too, but go further away ?
Congratulations on your engagement. Have a happy marriage, for your own sakes, and let your sister learn crochet

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement