advertisement
Question
Posted by: tired | 2010/02/23

Why are wars fought over silly stuff?

I love being married to my wonderful husband.There''s just one issue I never expected to creep up and it''s starting to cause the biggest arguments we''ve ever had. I can handle getting into fights, that''s life but good golly I''m sick of this silly one.

It''s this simple: He easily gets cold and I easily get hot and no not in the fun way. I prefer the aircon on at night since I''ve suffered from nightmares my whole life and they get worse when I''m hot. He always wants it off. We are fighting over this when in the car, when at home, at night, wherever we have control of the temperature.

How do you compromise? He doesn''t want to wear winter clothes all the time and I don''t want to be sweaty and uncomfortable. It''s actually hilarious in a sad way that I''m writing this but any advice please? Yes we''re in our first year of marriage and would like not to be fighting over temperatures for the rest of our lives and luckily other than this it''s really going great. I just want a solution to these types of arguments. How do you deal with them healthily?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sometimes it's because the Really Big Stuff hasn't happened yet, but we're ready for war. Sometimes because where either or both have unnecessarily rigid views on small things, and don't wish to learn, grow or negotiate, small things ARE big things to them.
THe nightmares could probably be wll dealt with, with the aid of a shrink.
And qwert's suggestion might work - qwerty, shouldn't we be sending you off to sort things out in the Middle East ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: my2cents | 2010/02/24

My wife &  I are married for a year &  a bit &  every time we have a silly (or serious) fight we make time to sit down and talk about it. We usually discover a deeper rooted issue that we then set out to resolve &  this always helps us a great deal.

The reason why you guys cannot reach a compromise is because you''re not compromising but rather fighting about the issue. Sit down like adults &  chat about it. See the funny side. Have a laugh. See the serious side. Have a cry. Love each other.
You can meet each other halfway by doing just that. Maybe set the aircon to a temp. that works for both of you. Not too hot, not too cold.

Perhaps you should see a psychologist to chat about the nightmares you''re having so that you can overcome it because, to be honest, that stands out more for me than your temperature problem. Something might be bothering you in your sub-concious &  a psychologist will give you the right tools to deal with it. It worked for me.

Just some advice, but really, sit down &  talk about it. It really helps.
Oh, and see the psychologist.

Reply to my2cents
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/02/24

Wow, that''s a tough one... I myself prefer a slightly cooler temperature for sleeping, so I can sympathise with your dilemma! Part of me says he should just pop on a sweater, but I suppose that''s not true compromise.
How about you take turns? Either nightly or weekly.... One night (or week) you get to have the aircon on, and the next he gets to have it off. It still means that you''ll both be unhappy half the time, but at least you''ll also be happy for the other half and you wouldn''t need to fight.

Good luck!! I really hope you manage to work something out.

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/24

Sometimes it's because the Really Big Stuff hasn't happened yet, but we're ready for war. Sometimes because where either or both have unnecessarily rigid views on small things, and don't wish to learn, grow or negotiate, small things ARE big things to them.
THe nightmares could probably be wll dealt with, with the aid of a shrink.
And qwert's suggestion might work - qwerty, shouldn't we be sending you off to sort things out in the Middle East ?

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement