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Question
Posted by: nn | 2008/09/23

why am i the one left lonely and hurt???

I need some advise because right now I feel like breaking down. My bf and I broke up a month ago. I am currently on Facebook and he always used to tell me how pathetic it was and he will never go on there and he was just so against it. So last week I went on there and looked his name up and saw him on there. The only friend he has is the girl he is now seeing. At the moment I am very hurt. We were together for a year and we were engaged. We have known each other for 4 years now. And we have broken up a month ago and he already has someone else. It makes me feel like what we had meant nothing. It hurts so much and I cry all the time. I can’ t sleep because I dream about it. At the moment I am so lonely (yes I have lots of friends but you want that someone special). I was the good one in the relationship and all he did was hurt me and stuff me around and yet I am the one who has nobody and is hurting all the time. He messes up and then a few weeks later has someone else to make him forget about me. This hurts so much and I do not know what to do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder what "brseaking up" means these days. Dealing with the unavoidable problems of a current relationship is sensible --- but feeling some sort of ownership right to the other person after the "break-up", and in many case, also chafing about whatever relationships they may have had BEFORE they met you, is needlessly enlarging the opportunities for grief.
You are choosing to feel all this grief. The relationship is OVER, and whatever he does now need not affect you at all --- you don't know if this is a serious relationship he is in, or if it is happy --- and it shouldn't matter to you. If he made you so unhappy, he'll probably make her unhappy, too --- leave them to themselves, while you move on. The longer you insist on clinging to what might have been, the longer you are posponing any chance of moving on to something better

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: nn | 2008/09/23

Thank you all for your advise and I have decided not to let it get to me and rather go on with my life.
So when I do meet someone else - then i will not have baggage and i will truly be happy!

Reply to nn
Posted by: sunflower | 2008/09/23

NN everyone has given you really good advice. You need to be patient with yourself because you will still be hurting for a while. who knows why he is with the other lady or even if they are happy. But if you don' t try at least to stop obsessing you will go insane. He is so not worth it and they always come back, it happened to me. please try and focus on yourself cos you are so much better than this and you deserve so much better. Don' t let him break your spirit he is not worth it. Him being with someone else does not meant that you did not mean anything to him, it is just his way of coping. He doesn' t matter anymore, you do.

Reply to sunflower
Posted by: CTP | 2008/09/23

NN, bear in mind that people deal with break up differently. for him to forget about you was to find someone to replace you, there is no point in hurting yourself anymore. Forget about him and what he is doing, you no longer her gf and you certainly have no say in what he is doing. You should concentrate on getting your life back and be happy with who you are, he is not worth your tear. Please girl, stop checking up on him and get a hobby to keep busy or spend more time with friends and family who understands how you feel. All the best...

Reply to CTP
Posted by: SR | 2008/09/23

You feel hurt and yes it does but just think about it.

He has inherited a hornets nest. How is he ever going to justify additional friends with her being his only contact and with her maybe knowing his attitude towards FB ? He is going to get flack from her .... he has made his own bed. I dont think I would like to be in his shoes right now. From the frying pan into the fire.

Reply to SR
Posted by: EL | 2008/09/23

He' s probably using her to get over you. Show him that you CAN be happy without him, take care of yourself in the meantime and go out and enjoy yourself! If he can enjoy himself, so can you! Don' t show him that you miss him, show him that you are happier than ever, soon he will come crawling back to you (then it' s in your hands if you want him back or not). Don' t let your life stand still because of him, you will get over it, trust me!

Reply to EL
Posted by: Anon | 2008/09/23

Girl don' t worry time will heal. I had this b/f we were so inlove or so did i think.......well i found out he was cheating on me with this other girl........we broke up i was in tears for months and he had a nice relationship with the other girl......i finally got over it and moved on i found a nice b/f and the ex found out and wanted me back and all i said to him was you had your chance and you messed up.

So be strong time will heal.Oh by the way get a nice make over it always helps!

Good Luck!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: kk | 2008/09/23

Just hang in there it shall pass....He will come running after you later when you have already moved on...Just find something to keep you busy and refrain from checking his whereabouts

Reply to kk
Posted by: Phil | 2008/09/23

In time he will be the one hurting, and you will be ok...

Reply to Phil

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