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Question
Posted by: refilwe | 2010-05-12

why am i so angry

I broke up with the father of my baby about 8 weeks back after i found him with a different woman for the second time. it was his birthday on the weekend, he asked that i come with with our baby to celebrate his birthday. i did, it was okay. He started to apologise- the whole i am sorry i was an idiot talk, which i am not hearing for the first time. i told him i cant go back there again, all i ask from him is to be a father to our baby, and continue searching for the right woman since his behaviour told me i am not the one. he has been calling since every day asking that we meet and talk and i bring the baby. but then the more he tries, the more i get angry, even angry at every thing. when i hear people talking about their happy families, i do not want to be close to them anymore, i want to keep my distance, kind of they''ll think there is something wrong with me or something. how do i get over this anger

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

An apology is obviously something he owes to you and the child, but its never enough - they're so easy to say, but there's a need for him to demonstrate in his behaviour that he really is sorry AND won't do it again, especially as having twice cheated, the odds are against him not cheating again. It sounds as though he is interested in the child, so do go to the maintenance court and get an aggreement that h pays proper maintenance for the child - both for the child's benefit and to remind him that having children isn't a light thing without costs all round.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Babe | 2010-05-13

Hi Refilwe, Im sorry to hear your problem, but i just wana let you know that dont ever think of going back to this relationship... ive been there where i caught my boyfriend red handed in bed with a woman on Christmas day, we talked and made up then i caught him again with a different woman at his house he apologised and the relationship was so good i forgot that he ever hurt me. But Im telling you that today im sitting without a man in my life... nothing happend this time he just disappeared after a relationship of more than 4 years. I tiried talking to him we got together and i thought it would work but i realised that Im just not making it for him so I guess I must move on.

I understand the whole thing of being angry, what i know is that time heals, take your time , go out and meet friends, new people but dont rush into a relationship just yet. I just realised that we can survive without a man around us. My lifestyle has changed to a bore but im working on it lets not put our lives on hold for a man once a cheat always a cheat. Take care of that little soul and make sure he mainatains. good luck girl.

Reply to Babe
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-05-12

An apology is obviously something he owes to you and the child, but its never enough - they're so easy to say, but there's a need for him to demonstrate in his behaviour that he really is sorry AND won't do it again, especially as having twice cheated, the odds are against him not cheating again. It sounds as though he is interested in the child, so do go to the maintenance court and get an aggreement that h pays proper maintenance for the child - both for the child's benefit and to remind him that having children isn't a light thing without costs all round.

Reply to cybershrink

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