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Question
Posted by: Between | 2011/06/23

WHY?

Someone, anyone - tell me why?
Why can''t him and I figure things out?
Why can''t he understand that my kids are not like his kids?
Why can we talk about everything under the sun but when the discussion turns to his issues with my son and vise versa, we cannot find common ground?
Why do I feel I am not that ''overprotective'' of my children as I am being told I am?
Why can he not get it through his skull that its not WHAT you say but HOW you say it that makes or brakes someone?!
Why, why, WHY?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There are a surprising number of reasons why even two sincere individuals don't manage to work out some of the problems they face. BUt when this proves hard but important, that's where a counsellor can greatly help a couple. And remember that there is an important difference between what one of us says or does, and how someone else, perfectly sincerely, may see and hear i, and how they may interpret it. This is again, where a counsellor can be so useful

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Our users say:
Posted by: KKK | 2011/06/24

Is just hard to raise kids period particularly the one that are not yours, with yours you can mess up and make it up without someone holding a grudge against you. for that. when you in a relationship and the kids are not yours, every small mistake is blown out of proportion.....It is not easy.

Reply to KKK
Posted by: Roms | 2011/06/23

I feel the same as Between. No man is worth it if he is going to belittle my children and give them a complex.
I will rather kick his sarcastic behind out and find someone that will acept me as i am.... a package deal.

Reply to Roms
Posted by: P | 2011/06/23

Please don''t make the same mistake as many other people have. You said you kids don''t have grandparents or anyone except you and their father who is abroad. That is enough for me to agree that you might be overprotective and you will regret it later. DON''T feel sorry for your kids only because they have no one. They probably have teachers, caregivers, neighbors, friends. They don''t need sympathy. They will be FINE. Treat them as you would if they had a lot of relatives. Don''t make them the center of your life. Trust me, I know enough people who, like your kids, grew up with a single family member in their lives, who also thought " they have no one else"  and make a huge mistake in thinking that way because they actually protected the children too much and they are spoilt brats even as adults. They are not considerate of other people. They grew up thinking they were the center of the world. And needless to say, as demanding and self-confident as some of these people I know are, they succeeded in life and got the partners they wanted, but they are very unhappy because they are too selfish to live happily with other people.

Never protect kids too much. Life is difficult sometimes and they need to learn this from the beginning. They will learn to overcome obstacles by themselves. They will learn to appreciate what others do for them more too. This will make them well rounded individuals who are capable of balanced and happy relationships in every field of life.

Believe me, if you make them your world now, don''t think when they grow up you will be their world. They will even step on you, if they have too.

Reply to P
Posted by: Between | 2011/06/23

I agree with CS - couples counceling is the only solution. We cannot do this alone. And if its important enough for him, he will join me otherwise I have my answer.
Roms - yes, I am not happy. I cannot carry on like this. And neither can he. I just feel so unheard and misunderstood. When I try and explain that his words and actions are damaging to our relationship and affecting my son, then I have to hear I am looking for excuses NOT to make the relationship work. My kids do not have any family, no grandparents, nothing. Just me and their father who remarried and is living abroad. I can honestly say I am not overprotective of them but when their characters are being attacked and they are addressed in an agressive manner, I WILL stand up for them and WILL shield them. What kind of mother would I be if I just allow this?

Reply to Between
Posted by: Roms | 2011/06/23

You know what, your son is your blood and yes, mothers are a bit over protective.
You do not sound happy and I can think your son/children is not either.
Is it worth it?

Reply to Roms
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/23

There are a surprising number of reasons why even two sincere individuals don't manage to work out some of the problems they face. BUt when this proves hard but important, that's where a counsellor can greatly help a couple. And remember that there is an important difference between what one of us says or does, and how someone else, perfectly sincerely, may see and hear i, and how they may interpret it. This is again, where a counsellor can be so useful

Reply to cybershrink

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