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Question
Posted by: Leanne | 2009-04-06

WHY??????!!!!!!

Hi Doc,

About a year ago I wrote a posted a couple of complaints about my boyfriends family not liking me and how the people at my old jobs are lying about me etc (we all worked at the same shop).

Well, a year on, things haven’ t changed. In fact, it’ s like it is getting worse.

To summarize what my last posts were about, my boyfriends mom hates my guts- she lied about me to customers at the shop, ignored me when I greeted her, complained when I greeted her in front of people (she told my boyfriends that I’ m trying to make her look stupid by greeting her in front of other people so she HAD to greet back), would be happy enough to get a lift home in my car but didn’ t want me to drive (I have my learners and not my drivers but I drive very well but she wanted my boyfriend to drive)…  those kind of things. I stayed at their house a lot of the time, but I contributed more than her own niece and nephew (who were also staying there) did.

The people at the shop used to be my friends. We went out together, our boyfriends were friends, we were friends! So when I left, for some reason things changed. I used to go visit them every day after work and slowly but surely I could tell they were getting off with me. Then all of a sudden I started hearing things about me (and my family) so I never went to see them again.
So that was then. I don’ t go into the shop because I am not comfortable going there- I’ m not even comfortable walking past there! They are saying I’ M rude because I don’ t even wave to the people who work there (there is one lady that is nice). It’ s not like I walk past and stare inside without greeting- I don’ t look in that direction at all because I am not comfortable being in that complex and I KNOW they talk about me so why must I greet when they gossip about me behind my back a year on???!!! So now I am rude and my boyfriend is annoyed with me because I don’ t go greet and I am giving them reason to talk about me. Then a couple of weeks ago, I hear from my boyfriend (who heard from his mother) that my ex friend “ Chantelle”  was telling everyone that I said one of the other ladies at the shop (who has children and GRANDCHILDREN and is married) is a lesbian. She was very touchy feely and I did tell my boyfriend that she freaks me out, and I did tell “ Chantelle”  something along the same line, but I am not one of those people who call other people names. I am not a name caller!!! Then yesterday, it was the same thing. But the story was different now and my boyfriend is asking me why I told people that. And I told him that the story was different 3 weeks ago and why does he believe them- he knows the kind of person I am and he knows I wouldn’ t do that and anything that I said to Chantelle was in confidence and she shouldn’ t be going around saying that. And I asked him why does he believe a girl who is dealing in witchcraft to keep her boyfriend and as, on MANY occasion to EVERYONE, said that her boyfriend and his SISTER are sleeping together? Thinking now, I think Chantelle is getting back at me because Tasha (the sister) is thinking that Chantelle is her bestest friends while Chantelle is telling customers that Tasha is a slut and a double adapter, etc. Chantelle would even let her boyfriend take his sister to work. But everyone believes her.

So, to warn Tasha that Chantelle is dragging her name through the mud, I told her what Chantelle has said about her (because I still like her and I want to be friends with her because we had so much in common). So she threatened me with legal action and then no one liked Chantelle. So now I think this is revenge for me telling.

So anyway, this is really ruining my relationship with my boyfriend (because he like plays the middle man) and of course my reputation is RUINED! How do I deal with this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I hope other readders can come up with some useful comments here, it largely beats me. Why do you stil give her the power to make you miserable ? Why not leave this b behind, and move on, heal yourself with the help of a counsellor ( I don't see anything in your message about having used to services of a counsellor ) and find a new bf later who will be supportive and loving, and have a more human mother ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Annemarie | 2009-04-06

it seems to me that you are very upset and feel under attack by this family and your friends, in addition to feeling that your boyfriend is not supportive enough. Maybe you should see a counsellor who can help you cope better with all this stuff - perhaps you read too much into the situations because your self-confidence is being undermined.

Reply to Annemarie

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