Posted by: Shadow | 2009-02-04


I started seeing my boss just over a year ago, however it was a secret relationship, he did not want anyone to find out so we were always very descret when meeting. (probably because his my boss and its embarrasing dating your assistant) While i was seeing my boss i was not seeing anyone else because i thought something could happen and was waiting, but that never happended. The end of last year he told me that he had met someone and would like to start seeing her some more, which meant what ever we had was over. It hurt me and it still does, i sometimes run to the bathroom crying because i cannot control my feelings for him. He asks me to arrange and organize his Dec holiday away with her and now he has asked me to arrange his valentines weekend away with her. How do i handle this knowing that i was just used, i feel like shouting at him infront of everyone, but i know he will probably just fire me on the spot. How do i handle this, i have since been dating someone, but i still have very strong feelings for my boss even though he has been a jurk. I just dont know how to handle this - no i cannot leave my work because there is nothing else out their. I just need to know how to deal with this, and accept the fact that he has met someone better.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

How often must I say it --- office romances are usually a bad idea, and usually end in tears, Sounds like you had unrealistic expectations, and allowed him to use you --- so don't mourn the loss of something marvellous which was ac tually never as marvellous as it seemed at the time. Some offices would think it fine for a boss's assistant to waste compamny time planning HIS romantic retreat with his lover ; others wouldn't. But he is being tactless and unkind to ask you to do this for him --- proving that he is a Heel who you are well rid of.
I disagree with Me --- falling in "love" with the boss is not inevitable or something totally outside of your control. You allow it to happen, or you don't. I love Toffee's quote, which is well worth remembering.

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Our users say:
Posted by: NW | 2009-02-06

I had the same situation. Me and my boss also fell in love and started dating each other. Of course i knew that staying with that job was a great risk for myself and i found a different job while we were still dating. We are still seeing each other and me leaving his workplace wasnt funny to him at all, he completely understood. I would really put some effort in as to find a different job. At some point you will find another job coz staying at your current job will only hurt until you leave and make a clean break. And don' t forget....what goes around, comes around....the tables will change in the future and then you can have fun by asking him " can i organize a relationship counsellor for you as well"   -) seeing that you had to plan " their"  holidays ect. Good luck

Reply to NW
Posted by: The truth has to be told | 2009-02-04

Sorry Shadow, but the truth has to be told, office romance are bad especial with your Boss what were you thinking “ Promotion" . Sisi get yourself another Job or Move to another department.

Reply to The truth has to be told
Posted by: Shadow | 2009-02-04

Clearly people besides " Me"  dont understand the meaning of HELP! Is it necessary to break people down. I will never ask for help on this site again.

Reply to Shadow
Posted by: Me | 2009-02-04

Ow come on - what' s with the rock throwing. Why in heaven' s name does she deserve to betreated like this. Love is love. You don' t chose whom to fall in love with - in the office or not. And the guy is being a jerk - how can he ask her to organise his valentine crap knowing where the 2 of them come from!!!

Reply to Me
Posted by: Toffee | 2009-02-04

I saw something the other day, written in Afrikaans, but it was really wonderful and sounds much better in Afrikaans. They said, " If you give yourself up as a toffee, expect to be chewed"  Hows that ? I guess you are being chewed at the moment and deservedly so. Office romance, indeed !!

Reply to Toffee
Posted by: Lee | 2009-02-04

I fully agree with Just M. Office romances always have problems, and the fact that he didnt want anyone knowing the two of you were together makes me wonder if he perhaps was not seeing someone else at the time as well. I think that you should consider looking for another job and move on with your life.

Reply to Lee
Posted by: Just M | 2009-02-04

Your first step would be to stop playing the victim. You were fully aware of the risks of getting involved with your boss.

The fact that he asked you to plan his holiday does not mean he' s a jerk. Bosses regularly ask their assistants to plan their holidays. Would you have complained about this request if you did not have a personal relationship?

The way I see it is you have two options: either accept the fact that he met someone else and carry on with your duties in a professional manner or leave.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Reply to Just M
Posted by: ouch | 2009-02-04

He used you, forgive forget get a new job and move on.
(and try NOT to do what he did to you to someone else!)

Reply to ouch

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