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Question
Posted by: baby | 2008/09/06

why

hoekom as mans dit een keer gedoen het dan wil hul net meer he bv my man ons sal sex he en dan vir n dag nie nie he nie en dan gaansoek hy dit op die internet. en as ek hom daaroor uit vra dan se hy nee hy doen nie maar ek het dit dan met my eie oe gesien?? hoekom?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Verskoon asseblief, my Afrikaans is nie so goed nie; ek moet in Engels skryf.
It sounds like there are two issues here: firstly the fact that some men feel the need to have sexual release on a daily basis, and secondly, that your partner lies about his use of the internet for sexual release (I expect using porn).

To respond to the first issue: men do not NEED to have sex on a daily basis. Many men have enough sexual drive that they might be ABLE to have sex everyday, but it is not likely that this is a "need'. If this is happening, it could mean several things; firstly that he is not used to the idea that he can survive without sexual relief, and can tolerate waiting even up to three or four days without excessive irritability if he does not have sexual relief. Some men go for much much longer periods of time without sex or any form of sexual relief. However, it may be that your partner's 'need' to relief himself sexually is about something other than sexual tension - some men find sex to be a stress reliever, or that it helps them to feel better about themselves for some other emotional reason.

In response to the second issue: I would imagine that he lies to you because either he feels guilty about doing what he is doing and doesn't want to admit it to himself nevermind you, and/or because he expects that you will be angry/upset with him if he admitted it. Use of the internet for porn is becoming frighteningly common and I have great concerns about what people are accessing on the net that they might never have looked for using other types of pornography. It may be that your partner is using the net in a limited/controlled way, but if he uses it for longer and longer times, and accesses sites which are either illegal or make it difficult for him to enjoy 'real life' sex, he may be going down a sexual addiction route for which he may need professional support. Don't jump to any conclusions, but do discuss with him your worries and also make it clear what your expectations are in the relationship (some people are content for their partner to look at porn, some aren't).

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lady man | 2008/09/08

Thanks Anon

I agree with you.

Reply to Lady man
Posted by: Anon | 2008/09/07

Baby, men visualize and react to physical situations. Having sex regularly drives men to want more. Just because a man is looking at porn has nothing to do with what you are not giving him. Maybe he is doing it to see what and how he can provide you additional satisfaction. The other thing is if YOU are withholding sex, DONT expect to keep him. There are plenty of women out there who will satisfy your man if you chose not to. Women who push men away by denying them sex are the first like you to wonder what went wrong, when you longer have a man in bed next to you. Remember, YOU have what he wants, its up to you to give it to him. You make him happy, he will make you very happy!!! So think about what you want to give him and do for him. As a woman I have seen this way too much with people I have known over time. More sex breeds more intimacy. So what are YOU waiting for??

Reply to Anon
Posted by: sam | 2008/09/07

Why can' t you girls get it, huh? That is just the way men are! Instead of wasting energy on accusing him and creating guilt, rather engage him and experiment ways in which he gives you more attention with the activities you enjoy. You in turn become more experimental and exciting to him, turn him on and keep him focussed on you. You have to beat the competition.

Reply to sam

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