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Question
Posted by: Lizelle | 2010-05-24

Who/Where is my daddy? (Artificial Insemination by Donor)

Hi

I am the proud single mom of a gorgeous 3 year old little girl.
I decided to have a baby on my own via artificial insemination by donor and therefore do not know who her father is except for the details/information you are given.

The time will come soon where she is going to start asking me questions about her daddy as the other kids in school talk about their daddies and i am not 100% sure what i should tell her, even though i have documented ''''her story'''' in a book i am writing for her. She will one day know exactly why i chose to have her this way. I am just wondering if you could perhaps give me some pointers on how to answer her if and when she starts asking me questions. I do not what to lie to her or anything like that but i also dont want to confuse her.
Just not sure how much i can tell her that she''''ll understand at her age. Could you perhaps guide me?
Do i tell her she doesn''''t have a daddy which is normal because not all children have a mommy or a daddy? I can not possibly explain the medical procedure to her now already ha ha ha ha.
I want her to be proud of who she is and i want her to know she is loved like any other child who has both parents. You don''''t need both to be loved. She is my heart.

Thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think that as a single woman, before one decides to have a child by AID ( and not too many ethically sound doctors would be eager to arrange that ) one should think through in great detail, and with the help of experienced counsellors, all aspects of the situation you were planning to create, especially from the point of view of the child.
As she has not yet started asking, now is the time to work on this with proper professional help, and there are no simple answers.
Generally truth is the best policy, though sometimes "the whole truth" needs to be tempered by taking into acount the age of the child and her ability to handle and understand complex concepts. You don't get to choose the age at which she starts asking.
Also, don't see this as a 1 question, 1 answer situation, but as the start of an ongoing discussion which should happen at different times.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Lizelle | 2010-05-26

Dear Cybershrink

Obviously a great deal of thought went into this very important decision. Personally i still think its the BEST solution to single women wanting a family of their own. Its uncomplicated.

Yes my daughter will be told the truth about the way she was conceived and why.

I do not see this as a 1 question, 1 answer situation that is why i posed my question as to HOW much one should tell at WHAT age, as to NOT confuse your child.

I will consult with professionals on this in the near future. Thank you.

Reply to Lizelle
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-05-24

I think that as a single woman, before one decides to have a child by AID ( and not too many ethically sound doctors would be eager to arrange that ) one should think through in great detail, and with the help of experienced counsellors, all aspects of the situation you were planning to create, especially from the point of view of the child.
As she has not yet started asking, now is the time to work on this with proper professional help, and there are no simple answers.
Generally truth is the best policy, though sometimes "the whole truth" needs to be tempered by taking into acount the age of the child and her ability to handle and understand complex concepts. You don't get to choose the age at which she starts asking.
Also, don't see this as a 1 question, 1 answer situation, but as the start of an ongoing discussion which should happen at different times.

Reply to cybershrink

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