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Question
Posted by: ANON | 2009-06-18

Whose loss is it anyway?

On Sunday my boyfriend of two years told me that he cheating on me... I was very angry and I said to myself: Well that' s his loss

I nearly 40 and almost all the relationships I had and my marriage ended because the guys were seeing other women. Talking to a lot of women about this I have been told that I am going to have a long lonely life because men generally cheat, and sometimes with a bit of persuasion the relationship sometimes survives.

With all the relationships that ended becos of cheating I always convienced myself that it' s the guy' s loss... ( as I believe that I am a very woman and had a lots of compliments from the people in my life)
Oh!! And these guys including my ex husband are now married and they seem very happy( well some them I know for sure that they are happy) . Now whose loss was it? Did I gain much by still having to start a new relationship elsewhere?....

Am I too quick to let go and not try to work things out first? Is there anything worth working out with a cheat?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sigh. We discuss this so ofen. SOME men cheat, not all men. SOME women cheat, not all women. Almos all men who cheat, do so with a woman. And there's no need for you to lead a lonely life. You can have excellent friendship with women, and platonic friendships with me, and become involved in group and community activities, without any obligation to be lonely, until you meet someone you appreciate and who appreciates you, for a long-term and closer relationship.
Maybe the time to work on sorting things out with someone who eventually cheats, is before they start cheating ? And maybe in counselling, you could explore how and why you choose the sort of partners you do, and maybe modify that process usefully

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ANON | 2009-06-19

Thanx guys I feel strong and empowered already

Reply to ANON
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-06-19

Hi,

I was alone for 10 years before I' ve met the most wonderful guy ever. When I look back at my marriage now, I can see I really did not love my husband as I had to. This one is the love of my life! Everything that I wanted. So hang in there! Definitally there will be someone out there for you! By the way my ex husband also cheated on me, and I did not take it, because he did it to his second wife again and will be doing it to his 3rd wife. Leave the cheaters alone and go on with your life

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Liza | 2009-06-19

Being single isn' t so bad. I' ve been single for over 2 years. Only one blind date in between that was a total disaster. I have my friends - and when I really get lonely I hug my teddybear and phone my mother  ) I think my teddy is the lonely one LOL.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: James | 2009-06-19

I am in the same boat just that the shoe is on the other foot. My wife cheated and they say once a cheater always one. Tried working on the marriage after the first affair and it didnt stop her.

I think there is loss both sides so I dont see that as an issue, you need to start again and not look at what the exes have, thats not important. Each person is different but for me I am now committed to being single (at least for now) and focussing my attention on my kids.

Reply to James

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