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Question
Posted by: Wits End | 2010-06-08

Who is Selfish here?

Hi CYB
Do only you see E-mail addresses?Can a person " consult"  you via E-mail / Phone inasmuch as possible and at what fee if yes? I have the ongoing saga with my mother who lives with me.None of the suggestions worked (if u recall).Tell me if I wrong here or just het up over eveything which I am.She is dependant on me, her pension goes to household expenses but I give her everything I can (she lacks for nothing &  I spoil her too as I can).I am struggling financially and had to declare myself insolvent.I made food on Sunday (roast chicken etc)and then put out bowls of leftover covered in clingwrap and a tiny bit for her dog.I come home last nite and she has taken the chicken out of the one bowl as " it was not eaten" .I try to drill it into her that the fat dog has granules, that the food was another meal for a human but she does it all the time.I went into my room and am not speaking to her. What''s the point she never listens.She also opened a can of tuna once and shared it amongst the " babies"  the cat& dog.I was a b*tch when I freaked out.She has nothing wrong with her she was checked out.Its just a bit of chicken she said, so I said yes thats right, and its just a little relationship too.She''s 68 and I''m 44.Currently I hate her.I feel like screaming, howling, suicidal you name it.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

For a variety of good reasons, I don't do consultations by e-mail. Yes, I do see the e-mail addresses people give, but we don't use them in this way.
If anyone has a problem needing serious assessment and therapy, this should be done face-to-face with a properly trained and qualified mental health professional.
Caring for your mother is an admirable ideal, especially if she didn't bother to make proper provision for her old age ; but spoiling her is not necessary, especially where you can't afford it.
Its also very possible that she may have early Alzheimer's or some other form of senila dementia, and may just not be capable of understanding what you, reasonably, expect of her.
Maybe you can call on the welfare authorities to help her with some services or finding, and to help you to arrange for her to have an assessment, physical and psych, from a geriatrician ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: kfc | 2010-06-08

Here''s an idea:
Lock the food cupboards and fridge when you go to work, and just set out some foods for her to have during the day.
That way if she wants to give HER food to the dogs then she can.

But it won''t be the food that can be used for another meal.
When money is tight you can''t actually afford to play nice santa.

Reply to kfc
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-06-08

For a variety of good reasons, I don't do consultations by e-mail. Yes, I do see the e-mail addresses people give, but we don't use them in this way.
If anyone has a problem needing serious assessment and therapy, this should be done face-to-face with a properly trained and qualified mental health professional.
Caring for your mother is an admirable ideal, especially if she didn't bother to make proper provision for her old age ; but spoiling her is not necessary, especially where you can't afford it.
Its also very possible that she may have early Alzheimer's or some other form of senila dementia, and may just not be capable of understanding what you, reasonably, expect of her.
Maybe you can call on the welfare authorities to help her with some services or finding, and to help you to arrange for her to have an assessment, physical and psych, from a geriatrician ?

Reply to cybershrink

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