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Question
Posted by: Kay | 2011/09/23

who am I

When are you suppose to be figured out on who you are. I am still battling at 31years old at who I am, the type of person I want to be. Is it wrong for me to look at others, the way they do things and act for “ tips” .
I want to be a fun mother/wife, but I also don’ t want to be too fun and not to boring, I want to be a hip young mommy/friend but I don’ t want to be childish. I want to dress modern but don’ t want to not be taken seriously at work. I want to cook wholesome meals for my family but don’ t want to be a like a boring old lady in the kitchen

I want to be happy but don’ t know how, where do I find the answers???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It varies widely. Some people don't ever seem to think about it at all, some obsess about it maybe excessively and this in itself prevents tghem from clarifying such issues. Copying others isn't a great idea, though it can be a source of different ways to try to see if they can fit you well, like rummaging through old clothes at a jumble sale.
Overall, I suspect you'd benefit most from seeing a personal counsellor, to help you most fruitfully explore these issues, and find your own answers and patterns, rather than just accepting second-hand ones from others.
Be the very best you, rather than trying to be a second-rate someone else.
And as Maria wisely points out, NOBODY else is as well-organized and together as they try to appear, and as you probably see them.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/24

It varies widely. Some people don't ever seem to think about it at all, some obsess about it maybe excessively and this in itself prevents tghem from clarifying such issues. Copying others isn't a great idea, though it can be a source of different ways to try to see if they can fit you well, like rummaging through old clothes at a jumble sale.
Overall, I suspect you'd benefit most from seeing a personal counsellor, to help you most fruitfully explore these issues, and find your own answers and patterns, rather than just accepting second-hand ones from others.
Be the very best you, rather than trying to be a second-rate someone else.
And as Maria wisely points out, NOBODY else is as well-organized and together as they try to appear, and as you probably see them.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Maria | 2011/09/23

Kay don''t make the mistake of thinking that everybody else is really sorted out in their heads and know exactly who they are, and it''s just you who have these issues. Most people are not that well sorted out and are anxious to some extent about how they measure up to their peers. The really happy people are often those ones who have realised that they are free to be whoever they want to be, and that there are no one-size-fits-all solutions to being a mom, a wife, an employee or a woman.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: B | 2011/09/23

Yea, i went through this also. Its quite normal. You are what you see in the mirror, no more no less. You''re not born to be a ''someone'', a lawyer, housewife...wotever. Your job is to be ''you'', wake up each day, breath, eat, make friends and follow your feelings, dont try do ''more'', never look at others and mimic them. Eventually itll come to you, dont force anything either, just quiet your mind and ''be'' who you ''feel'' you are. There is no ''set'' plan to follow, that could drive you coockoo like it did me.

Reply to B

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