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Question
Posted by: Palesa | 2010-04-22

Which one of the guys

Im a bit confused here i dont know which decision will be wise..would you be with a man you love and who says he loves you,but always hurts you emotitonally.theres no week that goes by.this is the father of my unborn baba.or would you rather be with someone who loves you no matter what you have done to them in the past ,and you still love the person that much.and i know he loves me.or be with the baby daddy whos emotionally abusive?i wrote here few times before i fell pregnant and you advised me to leave him.but i was too stupid to do so.now im here..i feel i want to be with the second guy whom we dated for 4 years before i met guy 2.he was my soulmate but all changed when he moved to CT.distance.now he is back. but i feel its unfair for my child to diprive him of a family.though staying with guy 1 wil mean i have to compromise my happiness the whole way as he is always hurting me..even now when i am preg..hes not en tyring to be nice.i mean my ex checks up on me like this is his own child.check what is it that i need..even took me for a spar.but baby daddy couldnt care less h e would come to ma place after work.find me cooking,tired he wouldnt even help.he would just say sorry that im tired.doc eveen told me to stop working too much or he must help me with laudry and cleaning and alles but no.all he cares about is his soccer games and friends.hes so selfish that if i start writting i wont finish.i know guy2 will make a great father.he even told his family thou they are diapointed,they are willing to accept us as he loves me.but im so lost.im not rushing thou.waiting till baba is here then i wil sort it all out.Cant this guy just be happy and nice to me.im carrying hes child for heavens sake.its o our first child.
im really fed up.please advise me.

thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Apart from merely saying it, in what was does this guy demonstrate his love for you ? Hurting you is not the action of someone who loves you.
An emotionally abusive baby daddy ( I don't like that name - hes a sperm donor, but not a dad of any sort, as you describe him ) is of no benefit to a child or to the child's mother. Dont think there's any benefit whatsoever to staying with a guy who will make you and the child miserable - there's no magical benefit to having the abuser around just because he donated some sperm at one time - that's the very easiest part of fatherhood. Bu do go to the Maintenance court and see that he is required by the court to pay maintenance for the child, to remind him to be more careful and caring in future.



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3
Our users say:
Posted by: alison | 2010-04-23

go with the man that makes you feel safe and secure.

make sure the other guy pays maintenance and can still see his child. but no point staying with him, will only make all 3 of you unhappy. life is short.. be with the man that cares about you and promised a better future. (for you AND your child)

all the best
Ali

Reply to alison
Posted by: Shargal | 2010-04-22

Have guy no 2 there for support,dnt make any rushed decisions,u will end up hurting him unitentinally.what happpens when sperm donor decides he wants to be with u nd child.

U in a tricky situation and by the time child is about 2 months old,u will be ur self again,ur hormones wud have settled nd u will make the right choice not for baby for u also coz baby needs a happy mum 2 b happy healthy baby.

I am a new mum myself and know what u going thru.

Gudluck

Reply to Shargal
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-04-22

Apart from merely saying it, in what was does this guy demonstrate his love for you ? Hurting you is not the action of someone who loves you.
An emotionally abusive baby daddy ( I don't like that name - hes a sperm donor, but not a dad of any sort, as you describe him ) is of no benefit to a child or to the child's mother. Dont think there's any benefit whatsoever to staying with a guy who will make you and the child miserable - there's no magical benefit to having the abuser around just because he donated some sperm at one time - that's the very easiest part of fatherhood. Bu do go to the Maintenance court and see that he is required by the court to pay maintenance for the child, to remind him to be more careful and caring in future.



Reply to cybershrink

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