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Question
Posted by: Lauretta DS | 2008/09/30

where do i find self-love?

Hi CS

There is not one thing I love about myself except for the fact that I brought a child into this world safely. I have googled every self-help tip there is, read books etc but. I immediately I hear a mocking voice laughing, telling me - reminding me even –  that there is nothing to love about me. Constantly reminding me I am not the greatest-looking woman, my peers are way ahead in their careers, I have just been retrenched, I don' t live in a beautiful home or drive a car anyone would look at.
Why can’ t I be thankful I have a car at all? All I see is the fact that there are so many other nicer cars out there.
I try very hard not to look in mirrors as I could swear when I do, I can see both an inner and outer unattractiveness. All the advice about sticking positive notes up, saying affirmations etc etc are something I just cannot do, I literally feel physically paralysed. One of my worst fears is that even if I found the strength to do it, the loudness of the mocking voice would be too much to bear. My intense dislike for my looks my mind and my life seems to be governed by an out-of-body force.

What can I do to snap out of this black hole which is getting deeper by the year? Only when look at my son do I feel I was born for any acceptable reason. Pls help. Another thing is i have absoluitely no friends. I have ppl i greet if i see them but no one I invite over or visit. I dont'  know whether i cut such ppl off or they decided not to hang around me anymore. I just have no friends.

help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some of the greatest looking women are not loved ; many of the most lovwed women are not greatlooking. I would strongly suspect that the only really unattractive thing about you would be your lack of love for yourself. Seeing a counsellor, especially of the CBT style, could help enormously to increase your self-esteem and self-confidence, not by artificially inflating your view of yourself, but by helping you to be more realistic, and to test out some of the damaging delusions you stick to about your unattractiveness.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: been There | 2008/09/30

I fully agree with CS.

As a matter of curiosity, which books have you read on the subject?

I went to a counsellor of the CBT style. I used to always undermin myself, took little or no credit on the great achievements I made. Thanks to a CBT type shrik who opened my eyes.

Self-love begins with being able to say NO = boundaries. You could be comparing yourself to others, without understanding and acknowledging your boundaries and therefore what great achievements you make.

I drive a German sedan. I wish i could trade it in for a cheapest car in the market that could take me from one point to another and back. I derive no value from materialistic possessions. All that matters in me, myself and to I. So, your driving the car you drive, count yourself lucky. You won' t be hit hard by the collapse in the US and global financial markets and the escalating rates, prices, petrol etc.

All the best

Reply to been There

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