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Posted by: Sandra | 2012/06/18

Where did he sleep on friday

We met in August 2010 and moved in together June 2011 and he is one of the sweetest guys that I have ever dated. We are always together, always going out together it can either be parties, funerals, wedding,s etc. Sometime last week he said to me he feels like going out with the guys to go have some fun ( boys only ) well I did not mind that and on Thursday he told me that he will be going out with the guys that he worked with to just have fun ( 4 guys ) I know all of them. As always we left to work together Friday morning and afternoon I went straight home. He called me and told me that he is at … .. pub and he is fine with the guys. He never stopped calling and sms’ sing me and he even told me he will come back around 11 o clock because he still watching soccer with the guys, Around 12 o clock he called me again that I should relax he is fine and having fun of course it was noisy where he was. Then that was the last I heard from him. His phone suddenly off, he only switched on his phone at six in the morning when he was at the gate waiting for me to open the gate for him. I opened of course we fought about him not sleeping at home. He claims to have been at about 4 pubs with friends the whole night it was like they were driving all over town in the name of having fun. Why did you switch off the phone? I was worried about you that you will call and call and call and yes that was the stupid thing I did but I am sorry, He slept the whole day. I am hurt and sort of lost trust. I don’ t know what to do. I am disappointed asking myself a lot of questions. I feel that he does not have respect for me. How could he, what make him change, why, where did he sleep, is he cheating on me

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like an awful lot of emphasis on "fun", and unusual that he so often contacted you to emphasize that he was fine and having fun.
Nobody can answer the questions you have except your boyfriend. Maybe it was mostly innocent, other than getting unwisely drunk, staying up too late, and so on ; maybe more happened. He will probably remember it ( alcohol can interfere with one's memory for events ) but only he can tell you. If he won't, that does suggest that he may have gotten up to some things he feels ashamed of. But discuss it with him, fairly gently and calmly ( if you want to improve your chances of getting as useful response ).

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Janet | 2012/06/18

It''s butterflies at hotmail dot co dot za.

Reply to Janet
Posted by: Sandra | 2012/06/18

Can I have your email ad please damn I need someone like you in my life. This post must start to have the inbox like facebook

Reply to Sandra
Posted by: Janet | 2012/06/18

You have to trust him- he’ ll be more inclined to act out the more insecure you are because it will get to him. If you don’ t get out much, then you need to make a plan to get out more. He can’ t spend all his time with you, and you can’ t spend all your time with him. My husband goes out a LOT, and I don’ t, but I learnt a long time ago that the more insecure I am and the more I fight with him, the more annoyed he gets. Even if you go out with your sisters, your neighbor, heck even just yourself, go browse around a shopping centre, go read books in the library, but go out, leave him and you’ ll see that the more trusting and open and if you act happy that he is going out (even if you aren’ t), he’ ll be happy that you are being so compromising and he won’ t go out that much (it’ s like reverse psychology).

I’ ve been with my husband for nine years, we’ ve had our ups and our MAJOR downs, but these days, even after nine years, are the happiest we’ ve ever been. Why? Because we respect each other, if I want to go out I go, if he wants to go out he goes, we don’ t expect each other to give us updates at 30 minute intervals, we don’ t spend every waking minute together…  we give each other time to miss each other (and it’ s not even a lot of time- I was working most of this weekend and we really missed the time we spent together).

Give it a bash…  even if it’ s hard to sit there at home alone and watch a movie by yourself while you know the rest of the world is out having fun. It gets you down, sure, but it’ s rewarding in the end when the winning prize is the love and respect of the man you love.

And sorry if I was a bit harsh in my first post…  your post irritated me because I used to be like that and I irritated myself when I was like that (and had some moments when I really went crazy and seriously embarrassed myself) , so it was like reading what I used to do and I hated how I was back then. Nothing personal. :)

Reply to Janet
Posted by: Sandra | 2012/06/18

I agree with you Janet I am very insecure and I just dont go out a lot. I am always at home with him and when he feels like going out i get very upset and sneak into his phone to search if he is calling any ladies or not. I dont know what to do and I love him

Reply to Sandra
Posted by: Janet | 2012/06/18

I’ m sorry, but just because he did not sleep at home you automatically think he doesn’ t respect you? Where’ s your respect to treat him like an adult and just let him be with his friends? He spend most of the night SMSing you, it’ s not like he went out and you never heard from him again. Why didn’ t you phone his friends if you were so worried? He goes out all night for the first time, switches off his phone for the first time and all of a sudden he’ s a changed man? Maybe his friends asked him to switch off his phone so he didn’ t spend all night SMSing you- if you go out with your friends you are with your FRIENDS, you don’ t spend the time chatting to other people, it’ s rude. You automatically think maybe he was cheating on you- boys will be boys and chances are they did just spend the whole time pub hopping. You sound insecure- if you say he is the sweetest guy ever, etc then why one wrong move and all of a sudden you’ ve lost your trust and all that? Good grief, what are you going to do if he ever has to go out of town for business?


My husband has done this twice and yes I get worried, but I don’ t go off at him and cry that “ oh he’ s a changed man” . Maybe you need to get out more.

Reply to Janet
Posted by: rIE | 2012/06/18

DOTHE SAME TO HIM, AND SEE HIS REACTION

Reply to rIE
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/18

Sounds like an awful lot of emphasis on "fun", and unusual that he so often contacted you to emphasize that he was fine and having fun.
Nobody can answer the questions you have except your boyfriend. Maybe it was mostly innocent, other than getting unwisely drunk, staying up too late, and so on ; maybe more happened. He will probably remember it ( alcohol can interfere with one's memory for events ) but only he can tell you. If he won't, that does suggest that he may have gotten up to some things he feels ashamed of. But discuss it with him, fairly gently and calmly ( if you want to improve your chances of getting as useful response ).

Reply to cybershrink

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