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Question
Posted by: kim | 2011-11-18

when will this end.

Hi

I have been out of a 4 year abusive relationship for 10months now, the beginning was very hard anxiety stress weight loss the works. My life changed in 1 day. I have come long way since then and id say im a pretty happy person I just have these days where im so emotional and angry at him, during this 10 months he has become engaged to a girl after 3 months and acts like I never happened. Why does the bad person get to move on while I struggle to come to terms with the loss of his family my life my house my friends (his) I rapped my self in that life. Thank god I had my friends and family still cause I always make time for people. I just wish this would completely go away the down days are terrible and im unfunctional. Im still so angry he gets away with hitting me and then ends up happier than me. Everyone says he isn’ t and shes a rebound ect but I don’ t see it that way.

Good girls always finish last.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Congratulations on having made the tough but necessary decision to physically get out of an abusive relationship. But you don't sound as though you have also allowed yourself to move out psychologically.
He has moved on more easily because obviously, he doesn't give a damn - about you, or any other women in his life, probably about any other person in his life. YOu have lost less than you are assuming. If the "friends" were his, and didn't support you and remain friendly, then they were never actually friends at all - how much better to make new, real, friends that don't know him or carwe about him.
Don't assume he's happy. though he will try hard to make it look that way with you. His felings are probably superficial and all self-centered, now as always.
By allowing yourself to remain fruitlessly angry about it, you tie yourself to him with bonds of bitterness, rather than setting yourself free.
There's a wise old Buddhist story of the pair of monks who were travelling on foot between monasteries. Halfway there, they met a pretty young woman who was stuck at a very muddy patch in the road, for fear of getting filthy in the mud and ruining her clothes. The one young monk dithered, but the other one oofered to help, and when the lady agreed, he swept her up and carried her across the large muddy patch. Then he put her down, wished her a good day, and went on with his journey. The other young monk was silent and seething all afternoon. When that eening they finally got to the next monastery, the older monk asked him what was wrong, and he burst out in anger " "How disgracweful that was - you know we're not supposed to even touch a woman at all, and there you carried her in your arms !"
The older monk smiled. "Yes" he said, but I put her down on the other side of the mud patch - you've been carrying her with you all afternoon".
Leave the abuser behind in the mud. Put him down. Moving on is free for you to do when you let go and stop dragging him with you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-11-18

Congratulations on having made the tough but necessary decision to physically get out of an abusive relationship. But you don't sound as though you have also allowed yourself to move out psychologically.
He has moved on more easily because obviously, he doesn't give a damn - about you, or any other women in his life, probably about any other person in his life. YOu have lost less than you are assuming. If the "friends" were his, and didn't support you and remain friendly, then they were never actually friends at all - how much better to make new, real, friends that don't know him or carwe about him.
Don't assume he's happy. though he will try hard to make it look that way with you. His felings are probably superficial and all self-centered, now as always.
By allowing yourself to remain fruitlessly angry about it, you tie yourself to him with bonds of bitterness, rather than setting yourself free.
There's a wise old Buddhist story of the pair of monks who were travelling on foot between monasteries. Halfway there, they met a pretty young woman who was stuck at a very muddy patch in the road, for fear of getting filthy in the mud and ruining her clothes. The one young monk dithered, but the other one oofered to help, and when the lady agreed, he swept her up and carried her across the large muddy patch. Then he put her down, wished her a good day, and went on with his journey. The other young monk was silent and seething all afternoon. When that eening they finally got to the next monastery, the older monk asked him what was wrong, and he burst out in anger " "How disgracweful that was - you know we're not supposed to even touch a woman at all, and there you carried her in your arms !"
The older monk smiled. "Yes" he said, but I put her down on the other side of the mud patch - you've been carrying her with you all afternoon".
Leave the abuser behind in the mud. Put him down. Moving on is free for you to do when you let go and stop dragging him with you.

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