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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2009-01-26

When will it ever end

I split with my partner after 17 years. Its now been a year, and we still can not hold a civilised conversation - and as for emails they are total insults. He has now stopped paying maintenance, just to be spiteful, and he knows I do not have the energy to even fight it in court - nor do I have the money (anyone that tells you that it does not cost is talking absolute cr*p and have not been thru the JHB maintenance courts).
I still cry at night over the situation and truthfully have had enough now, I am tired, emotionally drained, financially drained, and just want to close my eyes and never wake up again. How long does it take for things to settle down, I would be quite happy never to see him again, but I do need his money (he is very wealthy btw), in order to create a meagre life for my child. If it goes to court, he will get high powered lawyers, and I end up with legal aid - he would probably even win custody. When does this ever end - sometimew I just want to vanish and never be seen again

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Our expert says:
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If you split, why are their continuing e-mails and conversations ? Have maintenance set by a maintenance court, and he will HAVVE to pay it, and not be allowed to withhold it from spite. Sounds like the whole situation is gettign you depressed, and you may merit proper treatment for that, if necessary from a state hospital or clinic, or the neaest medical school. Custody must be decided by a court on the basis of what is best for the child, not on who has the most expensive lawyer or who wants to be nasty. And the amount of maintenance would be decided on the basis of what the child needs, and what he can afford to pay.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Rochelle | 2009-01-26

I know how you feel. Been divorced for 3 years and I have 2 kids that I need to support. Sometimes my x will give me money and only an amount that he thinks is enough for me. I got so tired of begging and explaining (for the sake of the kids), but got tired of hearing all about his problems. It was always about HIM. I have a job that pays the bills and with the help and support of my family and friends –  we are doing just fine. There is no money for luxuries, but we will survive.
I know it’ s difficult, but you have to stay positive and brave –  smile even though you don’ t feel like it. For the sake of your kid/s, they are very sensitive to your feelings and behavior. Show your x-partner that you don’ t need him and can make a success of your life without his help.
Thoughts are powerful things  whatever you put your focus on will grow.
You control your thinking. Accept responsibility for your life.
Things can only get better!!

Reply to Rochelle
Posted by: Tracey | 2009-01-26

Hi,

Please hang in there. One day this will be over. You are a valuable woman and you can' t help for what he is. I am going through hell myself and I really try to think about what they say about taking it one day at a time. Can you not see a doc for anti-depressants? Please take care, I don' t know but lots of us out here care.
Another Woman

Reply to Tracey

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