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Question
Posted by: Confused | 2010/03/02

When to start dating again

I am divorced for three years now with a young child. Met this guy who really does not meet the requirements that I have set out for myself in a potential partner. Never dated since the divorce. I feel drawn to him even though my rational mind is telling me we are not compatible and I need to cut ties now. Nothing has happened yet but I can feel us getting closer everyday and it really scares me (we talk a lot on the phone). I do not want to break his heart or mine, but feel miserable at the though of terminating what may possibly be.

Not sure if it just the loneliness fooling me or whether there is something there. Must add that I am 100% over the Ex.

Any advice?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he doesn't meet your requirements ( presumably intellectually considered, rather than emotionally ) why do you feel drawn to him ? Is it s relatively suddent feeling of loneliness and wanting to get closer to someone else, that over-rides his actual characteristics ? If nothing has happened yet, why do you anticipate hearts getting broken ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Been There | 2010/03/02

If he doesn''t meet your requirements try to slowly ease off the relationship. Most times we do it because of loneliness. Think about the hurt it would cause should you pursue this and few years down the line it does not work out. Are u prepared to deal with this hurt again? You will find someone that is compatible all it takes is patience, you waited 3 years it may take another 3 years for a lifetime of happiness

Reply to Been There
Posted by: XXX | 2010/03/02

It is a tough decision as a partner must meet your " needs"  BUT is it not that you have set your sights too high ! Just a thought.
Is there any harm talking to him and maybe even going out with him and see what happens !
If he is clearly nowhere near what you are looking for,then you must move on asap before someone gets hurt.
You might simply be drawn to him because you feel the need to have a man in your life again.
Think carefully and then go with your gut feel.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/02

If he doesn't meet your requirements ( presumably intellectually considered, rather than emotionally ) why do you feel drawn to him ? Is it s relatively suddent feeling of loneliness and wanting to get closer to someone else, that over-rides his actual characteristics ? If nothing has happened yet, why do you anticipate hearts getting broken ?

Reply to cybershrink

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