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Question
Posted by: How far | 2011-06-09

When to let go

I have been dating this guy for a year now and ever since I met him I have been dealing with all his baggage. He has been through a lot in his life and practically lost everything. He used to be very rich in his past life but now wiped out.

Problem is ever since I met him it has been one disaster after another in his life as he slowly tries to climb back up. I have exhausted all my savings trying to support and assist him. I am now at a point where I have to incure debts in order just to put body and soul together. He has moved into my place, is using my car, I buy him clothes, am financing is business operations and it is really killing me.He is basically draining me financially and emotionally. I have a small child to think of and for my sake and my child I think I need to end things with him before I find myself in even bigger trouble.

I really love him and will miss him (so will my kid) but I feel like I have to save myself and soon.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

WHY have you been doing all this for him ? Clearly, he used to be capable of taking care of business, and surely he could still do it and needs to retain the ability to do so. Did he wask you to take over ? By all means advise, to limit his failures ( one wonders why he fails so much if once he succeeded - did he succeed by flook, and now doesn't know how to actually work towards success ?
But why sponsor him, and waste your savings on his failures ? If he is incompetent at business, why are you wasting money helping him to keep on failing ? Tell him you cannot continue to sponsor im, and must save yourself and your child. Maybe he has far too high an unrealistic opinion of how good he thinks he can be at business, and should be more realistic, and get a much more humble job where he can earn money - he doesn't have to be in charge all the time.
You haven't known him long enough to live together and pour all your saings into him. YOu don't know how much of what he has told you about his former wealth and success is true or not.
Save yourself and your child, and let him start realisically supporting himself, which he won't do so long as he can still drain your savings.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Z | 2011-06-10

Been ther and for as long as you still have feelings for him it will not be easy to let go it might be easy for us to say dump him kick him out blah blah blha but hey it is not easy. For now try to be stingy and pretend as if you have nothing if he loves you he will work hard to support both you and your child and if he doesn''t he will walk away. Good Luck

Reply to Z
Posted by: girlie | 2011-06-10

Been there done that, believe me when he gets on his feet again ...........he will dump you like a hot potatoe.

Reply to girlie
Posted by: Phil | 2011-06-10

Was he really successfull  or successfull in failing? The thing is  successfull people are normally very proud, and don''t spunge. Especially not on a woman with a small child. Don''t thing this guy has any pride  and I douubt he was this scucessfull person you say he was. Sorry.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: What were you thinking? | 2011-06-09

Even if this man was perfect you have set a bad example to your child by letting him move in and become so integrated in your life in under a year. Dump him and next time move much more slowly. When you are a mother it is no longer just about you!
This man is a loser. Have more respect for yourself and do not settle for this type of man just because you are desperate for love.

Reply to What were you thinking?
Posted by: Liza | 2011-06-09

It''s definitely time that you stop financing his disasters. You really need to think of your child first. If his business isn''t profitable, it''s time that he started looking for a job. If he isn''t willing to try, then it''s definitely time to move his behind out of your life. If he isn''t willing to apply for low salary jobs, it''s also definitely time to move his behind out of your life. He really cannot expect you to finance him when you cannot afford it. If he does expect it - then he''s only using you!

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Lunch Bar | 2011-06-09

Are you sure he has lost everything? If he was successful and it has been a year now that you have been together, surely he should have recovered to some extent. Is this not just a story to live off you?

I employed a guy who also lost everything and went from one disaster to the next and I finally woke up and smelt the coffee and found out I had been conned. I lost a whole lot of money as I felt sorry for this chap and his " children that he could not feed" .

Do some asking around, check him out. I personally think you are being taken for a ride.

Reply to Lunch Bar
Posted by: OBVIOUS | 2011-06-09

What is the reason for your posting. You know you need to throw him out - you do not need our permission.
This is not love - he is just on to a cushy number.
Your first duty is to your child, get rid of him TODAY.

Reply to OBVIOUS
Posted by: Truth | 2011-06-09

He has 2 go, sooner rather than later.
Do not rush into a relationship again to fast. One year is too soon to be living together and supporting him having exhausted your savings to do so. In future go slowly, had u been more cautious you would not be in this situation.
How can you say you love someone who has drained you financially and emotionally? You cannot surely respect him if he cannot support himself - without respect there can be no love!

Reply to Truth
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-06-09

WHY have you been doing all this for him ? Clearly, he used to be capable of taking care of business, and surely he could still do it and needs to retain the ability to do so. Did he wask you to take over ? By all means advise, to limit his failures ( one wonders why he fails so much if once he succeeded - did he succeed by flook, and now doesn't know how to actually work towards success ?
But why sponsor him, and waste your savings on his failures ? If he is incompetent at business, why are you wasting money helping him to keep on failing ? Tell him you cannot continue to sponsor im, and must save yourself and your child. Maybe he has far too high an unrealistic opinion of how good he thinks he can be at business, and should be more realistic, and get a much more humble job where he can earn money - he doesn't have to be in charge all the time.
You haven't known him long enough to live together and pour all your saings into him. YOu don't know how much of what he has told you about his former wealth and success is true or not.
Save yourself and your child, and let him start realisically supporting himself, which he won't do so long as he can still drain your savings.

Reply to cybershrink

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