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Question
Posted by: Annie | 2012/09/19

When to introduce half siblins

Good Day, this is something I have been thinking about for a very long time and don''t seem to be able to get resolved for myself.

I have a 6 year old son. I divorced his dad when he was 9 months, so he never had a real family experience. His dad is also not actively involved in his life. He sees him maybe 1 day every three months. Yet my son adores his dad, as it should be.

My ex was married before and have a son aged 19. My decision/problem is when do I tell my son that he has a half brother? One side of me wants to wait till he is old enough to understand the whole concept of divorce and children from divorce. There is also the other side of me who thinks that the sooner the better, with just basic info - not the whole picture. The younger the child the easier they addapt and maybe he will plame me for keeping him away from his sibling if I wait.

Your wise words will be appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

SO his dad chooses not to be really involved in his life ? THat's sad. Fortunately children are usually very forgiving, and very ready to love. Their love for us should be seen as a major responsibility we then owe to them, not to hurt them or ignore their love.
I'm not at all sure there is ever a "right" time that can be decided according to external rules. It depends on your child and your relationship with him.
Quite young children can understand enough of those sort of concepts to be able to deal with learning such things, and their level of understanding developes, they can ask more or talk about it further with you if you keep communication with him open. ALl such things shouldn't become about one occasion when you "tell" but about starting an ongoing conversation about this theme.
It may help a bit that the other boy is much older, and not in a sense a direct rival of a similar age.
You're so right about the idea of basic picture and then answer his questions, rather than a complete long and detailed lecture. I think you already have the wisdom and know what to do

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/19

SO his dad chooses not to be really involved in his life ? THat's sad. Fortunately children are usually very forgiving, and very ready to love. Their love for us should be seen as a major responsibility we then owe to them, not to hurt them or ignore their love.
I'm not at all sure there is ever a "right" time that can be decided according to external rules. It depends on your child and your relationship with him.
Quite young children can understand enough of those sort of concepts to be able to deal with learning such things, and their level of understanding developes, they can ask more or talk about it further with you if you keep communication with him open. ALl such things shouldn't become about one occasion when you "tell" but about starting an ongoing conversation about this theme.
It may help a bit that the other boy is much older, and not in a sense a direct rival of a similar age.
You're so right about the idea of basic picture and then answer his questions, rather than a complete long and detailed lecture. I think you already have the wisdom and know what to do

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/19

SO his dad chooses not to be really involved in his life ? THat's sad. Fortunately children are usually very forgiving, and very ready to love. Their love for us should be seen as a major responsibility we then owe to them, not to hurt them or ignore their love.
I'm not at all sure there is ever a "right" time that can be decided according to external rules. It depends on your child and your relationship with him.
Quite young children can understand enough of those sort of concepts to be able to deal with learning such things, and their level of understanding developes, they can ask more or talk about it further with you if you keep communication with him open. ALl such things shouldn't become about one occasion when you "tell" but about starting an ongoing conversation about this theme.
It may help a bit that the other boy is much older, and not in a sense a direct rival of a similar age.
You're so right about the idea of basic picture and then answer his questions, rather than a complete long and detailed lecture. I think you already have the wisdom and know what to do

Reply to cybershrink

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