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Question
Posted by: RR | 2011-07-13

When to call it quits?

I have been married now for almost 4 years. Although we have had lots of trouble in the past, we kinda stuck it out. We went for counseling after about 6 months of marriage. Me and my wife have absolutely nothing in common. Even having a conversation is sometimes difficult because there is no similarities. I love her, or at least I think I do, I want what is best for her, and the only way of doing that is to lose a little of myself every day, and honestly I think it is hard for her too, although she will never admit it. In hindsight I cannot really pinpoint the reason we got married, maybe I can contribute it to being young and foolishly hasty. The question I have, is when do you call it quits, or do you just have to put head down and follow through on the commitment of marriage?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Never marry in a hurry. There was excellent sense in the old customs of pretty-well all cultures, of a long engagement to enable you to get to know each other. One should not discover, afterwards, that you have nothing in common. What love is, is more mysterious. But if there isn't really any "like", I doubt that there'll be lasting "love".
The important question is, is this the person I would like to grow old with ? Not someone I have fun with right now, but someone I with good reason expect to be able to have fun with 40 years from now There's really no need for hurry - you will both still be around after a reasonably long engagement, and if in that time yo have changed your minds, far better to do so while engaged than when married.
I think when one has married for the right reasons, it is wise to persist, with the assistance of counselling if necessary, to learn how to sort out problems working on them together. If you ARE each other's problem, and marriage counselling is sincerely tried and doesn't help, I don't see value to ANYONE in glumly sticking together in misery
If you really do

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Our users say:
Posted by: E | 2011-07-13

I do matrimonial law and also had the age old belief that once married you stay married, no matter what. I am divorced now and it was hard at first, my ex went off with another woman, but in retrospect, we were too young when we got married. In every divorce there will be a hurt party, my advice to my clients is " Could you do the same you are doing now for the next 10 years"  and they invariably say no, so give yourself another chance at happiness, everyone deserves it.

Namaste

Reply to E
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-07-13

Never marry in a hurry. There was excellent sense in the old customs of pretty-well all cultures, of a long engagement to enable you to get to know each other. One should not discover, afterwards, that you have nothing in common. What love is, is more mysterious. But if there isn't really any "like", I doubt that there'll be lasting "love".
The important question is, is this the person I would like to grow old with ? Not someone I have fun with right now, but someone I with good reason expect to be able to have fun with 40 years from now There's really no need for hurry - you will both still be around after a reasonably long engagement, and if in that time yo have changed your minds, far better to do so while engaged than when married.
I think when one has married for the right reasons, it is wise to persist, with the assistance of counselling if necessary, to learn how to sort out problems working on them together. If you ARE each other's problem, and marriage counselling is sincerely tried and doesn't help, I don't see value to ANYONE in glumly sticking together in misery
If you really do

Reply to cybershrink

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