Posted by: Hanna | 2013-02-07

When is the right time for Lobola

Girls and Guys
Please tell me when is the right time for a girl to allow a guy to go pay lobola in other words how long can one say ja now I know my man if he talks lobola I can agree mainly when you have a child from a previous relationship.

My man talked about marriage the 1st day I met him but I wanted to inspect him 1st but I don’ t know how long must I drag it incase he thinks I’ m not interested while I am.

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Our users say:
Posted by: makoti? | 2013-05-09

Hi guys, I am new to this. My man proposed to me over a year ago, during the course of last year he sent abomolome for negotiations but my family asked for a lot, they ended up leaving without even leaving a cent. Since then the Lola issue has become a sensitive issue, he feels as though when i bring it uo i am pressuring him, it's almost a year since that happened and we going to two years of me wearing his ring with no Lola yet he has become more of a 'husband', driving my car, buying stuff in my name and all. I don't doubt his love but it frustrated me that he is not transparent when it comes to when he will do right by me. Don't want to push him away but can't wait forever

Reply to makoti?
Posted by: Amasi | 2013-02-13

In my book, a woman who hesitate when a proposal for marriage is made should be let loose.
I know a few again who declined because they were still in love with the X. One decided to divorce because the X is now interested. One is settling for " this guy who has been on my case for two years"  as X is not coming back.

So, if you dont feel you are ready for him now, chances are that you will have to persvere loving him as it is not deep from inside.

Just another thought


Reply to Amasi
Posted by: CJ | 2013-02-11

As long as you feel that you are not ready or have a little dout, then you should ask him to wait, that doesn''t mean you love him any less and if he loves loves you and as much he says, then he will wait.

Reply to CJ
Posted by: Amasi | 2013-02-08

There is no right time.
As you wanted to inspect him first, then you can tell him that " I think you can send those delegates" .
Your inspection shouldn''t have taken a week or year or 5 years but till you feel you can jump with this person.

I have a friend who proposed marriage the first time they met, due to her delay (like your inspection) the marriage happened 8 years later and 7 yrs after marriage all is still well.

I have another friend who just fall over heels (okay guys dont wear heels) with every girl he meets (yes who take his fancy). Though he does not cheat, they leave him because he is clingy.

I have another friend who proposed on the first days (okay they knew each other before) and got married a 18mths later. They are going for three years now and appear very strong.

So there is no simple solution to your question.


Reply to Amasi
Posted by: Bella | 2013-02-08

Hanna when the man is ready he will do action but if not let it go and dont be suprised when he change his mind because they do that a lot,

Sunny sorry girl, go on with your life and God is good he will bless you again with someone who will wipe those tears off...he is a good God a loving God...stay strong dear

Reply to Bella
Posted by: Lolly | 2013-02-07

Henna has he even drafted that letter, do you know the delegates he will be sending to your family, eish amadoda ana manga he will introduce you to his friend as his future wife but they never mean it if a guy want’ s to marry you he will give you the letter and ask you to get the date for negotiation from your family. Done

Sunny wena a guy asks for your hand in marriage you dismiss him then ask for a child you get pregnant then you cry foul kandi abafazi ba funani?

Reply to Lolly
Posted by: Sunny | 2013-02-07

Your story sounds exactly like mine. We eventually planned everything and a months before the time he just went quiet. Now Im pregnant and he want nothing to do with me. By the way the pregnancy was also his idea and he kept pressuring me till i got pregnant. Nowhere to be seen now.
This is just my story but just be careful

Reply to Sunny

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