advertisement
Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011/01/11

When is enough really enough

My bf and I have been dating on and off for 6 years now. Initially we had broken up because he cheated on me. After about a year break he came to apologise and told me that he was very sorry for throwing our family away and it was not worthit, i forgave him and we moved on. He is the father of my child and irrespective of what happens I dont want us to end up enemies. However he really pushes me, he gets upset with me and he doesnt talk to me for months and he doesnt call our child etc. Even if one apologises for something you did wrong he does not accept the apology until he needs you again. He pays for our child but as this point in my life I am prepared to let that money go (its an arrangement between him and I) just for the sake of sanity. YesterdaY i called him and asked how long he was going to be upset with me this time and he rudely told me never to call him again and if it has anything to do with our child I should call his mother. I politely explained that he was overreacting over nothing and that when he saw me talking to another man at night it was me making a date but giving the guy directions. I told him its even worse because i did nothing wrong and being treated like this. I mentioned that he had done worse and I forgave him, and he lashed out on me telling me that i always bring up the past etc. I''ve really had enough and just want this man out of my life and I am fortunate that I can look after our child by myself. What to do in this situation - I dont know??? You advise would be appreciated.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I notice and am troubled by, how often in such sad tales, a couple have had a child before they were actually able to know each other well enough to decide properly whether this was a wise decision.
An apology that ism merely in words should not be accepted as convincing - it should include actions that match, as though he really believed he was sorry and wanted to do things better. Otherwise it's merely a tactic.
And if he has left you or the pair of you are separated, especially where this was because he was cheating, he has no business paying any attention to whether you speak to other men, let alone objecting to it. It's none of his business.
He should pay for the child's maintenance, and this should be made certain by a maintenance court order - too many women relay on private agreements and accept needless hassles - and let the philandering man get away free from his proper responsibilities.
From your description, I see no benefit to you from maintaining any relationship with his man-child any longer. And while if the child might benefit from contact with him AND if he would do this lovingly and predicatably / reliably, that is a separate issue, and while maintenance should be court ordered, you are under no other obligation to accept his psychological abuse and interference in your life


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/11

I notice and am troubled by, how often in such sad tales, a couple have had a child before they were actually able to know each other well enough to decide properly whether this was a wise decision.
An apology that ism merely in words should not be accepted as convincing - it should include actions that match, as though he really believed he was sorry and wanted to do things better. Otherwise it's merely a tactic.
And if he has left you or the pair of you are separated, especially where this was because he was cheating, he has no business paying any attention to whether you speak to other men, let alone objecting to it. It's none of his business.
He should pay for the child's maintenance, and this should be made certain by a maintenance court order - too many women relay on private agreements and accept needless hassles - and let the philandering man get away free from his proper responsibilities.
From your description, I see no benefit to you from maintaining any relationship with his man-child any longer. And while if the child might benefit from contact with him AND if he would do this lovingly and predicatably / reliably, that is a separate issue, and while maintenance should be court ordered, you are under no other obligation to accept his psychological abuse and interference in your life


Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement