Our expert says:
I notice and am troubled by, how often in such sad tales, a couple have had a child before they were actually able to know each other well enough to decide properly whether this was a wise decision.
An apology that ism merely in words should not be accepted as convincing - it should include actions that match, as though he really believed he was sorry and wanted to do things better. Otherwise it's merely a tactic.
And if he has left you or the pair of you are separated, especially where this was because he was cheating, he has no business paying any attention to whether you speak to other men, let alone objecting to it. It's none of his business.
He should pay for the child's maintenance, and this should be made certain by a maintenance court order - too many women relay on private agreements and accept needless hassles - and let the philandering man get away free from his proper responsibilities.
From your description, I see no benefit to you from maintaining any relationship with his man-child any longer. And while if the child might benefit from contact with him AND if he would do this lovingly and predicatably / reliably, that is a separate issue, and while maintenance should be court ordered, you are under no other obligation to accept his psychological abuse and interference in your life
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