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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011/02/04

When husband and wife don''t agree?

The situation is this: I desperately want a third child and I am hoping for a daughter as we have two sons. I always wanted a daughter and I feel our family is not complete without her. Yes the reality is our third child may very well be another son but I cannot stop thinking what if it is that daughter I have been dreaming of. Don''t get me wrong I love my sons and I would love a third all the same but my desire to have a daughter is overwhelming and taking over me. My husband has said no and will not hear otherwise. He won''t discuss it or reason with the idea. I feel so hurt. Why should it be his choice and his alone. Yes raising three will be a challenge and there will be many lifestyle changes and I see his point there but I don''t believe we will not survive. The answer is no and yes I could accidentally forget my contraception and trick him so to speak but no, I am not like that and I won''t bring a child into this world under those circumstances and I won''t go against my husband. So now, how do I get rid of this longing, how do I stop my heart from aching. I want to just make this feeling of wanting something I can never have go away. It is so bad it is affecting my life.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I nderstand the emotions, but having more children because one wants one of a particular sex is not really the best of reasons - at least not until the sex can be guaranteed, as is not yet possible. It could be wise to work with a copunsellor to beter understand this longing for a daughter, and what that fully means for you.
And having another boy, as is probably the most likely outcome of a further pregnancy, won't reduce your longing for a girl.

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: Mother | 2011/02/07

If its financially possible for you to have another baby, boy or girl, then I think your husband is just being selfish.

Reply to Mother
Posted by: Read Msg''s correctly ABC | 2011/02/05

RE: post by ABC, maybe you never read the message correctly.

Anon said:
The answer is no and yes I could accidentally forget my contraception and trick him so to speak but no, I am not like that and I won''''t bring a child into this world under those circumstances and I won''''t go against my husband

And is now asking how can she come to terms with that fact that they may not be the possibility of more children.

Maybe read question carefully before responding in an in-sensitive way.

Reply to Read Msg''s correctly ABC
Posted by: ABC | 2011/02/05

Are you prepared to want a child that you know your husband didn''t?

Reply to ABC
Posted by: Outsider | 2011/02/05

HiAnon,

Shame and sorry to hear this. I am in the opposite boat with 2 daughters and i also love them to bits. But I have also started longing for a son and have also run it by the husband a few times to no avail.

The way I see it in your case is your husband has it best as he has two sons who will be close to him and do guy stuff with together, you on the other hand don''t have a daughter to go shopping with and basically be your best friend.

Maybe you should run that by him or put all your feelings and thoughts down carefully though out and then discuss it with him again. Don''t give up though when you know the time is right to push the subject I say do it.

Oh, and when the time comes, maybe you should find out the old wives tail of when and what to use for a little girl.

You would not be losing anything there for trying.

Good Luck hope it all works out for you.

Reply to Outsider
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/05

I nderstand the emotions, but having more children because one wants one of a particular sex is not really the best of reasons - at least not until the sex can be guaranteed, as is not yet possible. It could be wise to work with a copunsellor to beter understand this longing for a daughter, and what that fully means for you.
And having another boy, as is probably the most likely outcome of a further pregnancy, won't reduce your longing for a girl.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Why not | 2011/02/04

Therapy?

Reply to Why not

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