Posted by: Really | 2009-08-24

When his trashes your advice

I know someone whom I am very close to. We share a lot in common and sometimes we cry on each other' s shoulders. We shares opinions and give and take advise, if and when necessary. We don' t always agree because it is human nature.

I have a small problem with my friend though and I have mentioned it, we discussed it but it seems the behaviour towards the concern seemed not to have changed.

What he normally does is, he will come with a concern and we will discuss it. He will ask for my advice and what I think. I normally express my feelings about the situation and advise him what ' I'  would do and what I think the ideal resolution would be. I don' t expect him to take every advise I give him, but I often find that he asks for my opinions and when I give them, then he says... I was just telling you, I did not ask you to advise me on what to do. I usually feel offended because he asked for my advise an when I advise him then he trashes my advise and if I just offered it!

I would appreciate if he could just take the advise, think about it and decide what to do! Why ask for advise and opinions if you are going to trash them right back.

Most times I feel as though when he says he wants my opinion, to tell him not to bother me with such because I know how it will all end!

Am I being silly to feel this way... what does one do?

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Our expert says:
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Some people feel better for just TELLING their problems to someone they can trust, and are genuinely not looking for detailed advice on how to solve things. They may actually want to work out their own solutions. Is he actually asking you for advice, and then disregarding it, or is he asking you to listen sympathetically, and save the advice for if and when he asks for that ?

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