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Question
Posted by: Moedeloos | 2009/11/05

When do you walk away?

4 years - we recently did the counceling thing, it went well just during &  after, then its back to the old patterns.

He keeps telling me I say the wron thing, I react wrong according to him about almost everything. The way I feel about situations is wrong. I invite a friend to go with us to a church sell group, and says I should have discussed it with him.
When I get a sms from someone, I get accused of cheating.

I am being babtized Sunday evening and asked him to be there. His response to me was " What must I do there?"  I said just be there for your wife?
Apparently he wont, cuz I was not interested in doing photography with him.

I really do not want to get divorced, but also feel hopeless.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He sounds awfully insecure and easily threatened, actually. And highly self-centred. Interesting that he sees your not being interested in photography, with him not being interested in your spiritual life.
I fel when doing marriage counselling, there should be after-sales service - there should be further sessions 3 and 6 mopnths later to see if any of the changes promised at first, have persisted.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009/11/06

I would say very soon if not sooner ! You have done your best by all accounts and clearly he is just not worth bothering about. He needs to grow up and appreciate and respect you, but I believe its too late for that, counselling is not going to help as HE is the problem and obviously he is not taking the advice given seriously. When you do decide to get a proper life and walk away, just make sure that as far as possible you have NOTHING to do with him, because if I judge him the way you have described him, as soon as he realises how precious you were, he is going to be pestering you to come back, making all sorts of empty promises that he could never fill. Stay strong and get the hell out !!

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Woman | 2009/11/05

I am also happily re-married now. And my ex is also happily involved with someone for a few years now.

I' ll tell her, thanks Rick :)

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Rick | 2009/11/05

To ' Woman'  - your Mom gave such good advice, and that is exactly what advice I followed when I was having huge marriage problems which led to my divorce last year.

Now, Im happily engaged to be married next year to a wonderful woman, who also deserves a second chance at happiness.

Please tell your Mom from me that she is a very wise person.

Regards
Rick

Reply to Rick
Posted by: Woman | 2009/11/05

What a terrible situation to be in! I really feel for you. We all deserve to live each day with joy.

Your question is when do you walk away. You walk away after you have done everything you possibly can to save your marriage. If you have done everything you can, and still isn' t working, you must come to the conclusion that the two of you just grew in different directions. Then you leave, because you deserve a second chance at happiness with somebody who believes as you do, finds joy in the things you do, treats you as you deserve to be treated.

I hope that this advice, which my mother (who is 70 and has the experience to give advice) gave me before I got divorced, helps you just a little.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Just me | 2009/11/05

Shoo, sorry can' t offer any help, but it could have been me writing this message. Strongs there!! I' m in a very similar situation.

Reply to Just me
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/05

He sounds awfully insecure and easily threatened, actually. And highly self-centred. Interesting that he sees your not being interested in photography, with him not being interested in your spiritual life.
I fel when doing marriage counselling, there should be after-sales service - there should be further sessions 3 and 6 mopnths later to see if any of the changes promised at first, have persisted.

Reply to cybershrink

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