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Question
Posted by: Botlhale | 2010/03/12

What''s wrong with my man

I think my fiance is deppressed but he doesn''t admit that. He cries everyday when he''s praying. We have problems in our relationship but now i''m getting scared that he will kill us or himself. I have realised he has anger but he is not open to me to discuss things with him as he believes he is the man. Where can I go for help? It really pains me to see him like that.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He does indeed sound depressed. COuld you discuss your concerns with him, gently ? Could you discuss them with his family ? He needs to be gently persuaded to see a good local psychiarist for a proper assessment, and to frankly tell the doctor about what is troubling him, and seek the help he needs.
You mention him weeping while praying - is there someone at his church / temple / mosque with whom he may have discussed what's troubnling him, or with whom he might agree to discuss this ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bunny | 2010/03/15

The man is going through a tough time. I have a friend in the same situation three years ago he found out that his wife was positive whilst he continues to test negative. At one stage he thought of taking his life but was spoken out of it. The guy like I say he needs to speak to someone he can trust, and that person is not you in this case because of your situation. Non-of you did anything wrong I suppose the only thing he does not know how to deal with the issue. He loves you and he cannot imagine life without you as a result he’ s trying to destroy his life.

Be patient with him, going back to find out why and when things turned out this way will not help anything. You are right by saying he’ s loosing his mind but to say he’ s Mad is not fair. To him you brought HIV into the relationship and he wants you without HIV. And blame himself for the situation. Church is not such a comfortable place to disclose anything. I think you should plan a holiday surprise him and remind each other why you LOVE the other person. That you’ ll never forsake each other because you love him and you’ ll always love him.

Reply to Bunny
Posted by: Bunny | 2010/03/15

The man is going through a tough time. I have a friend in the same situation three years ago he found out that his wife was positive whilst he continues to test negative. At one stage he thought of taking his life but was spoken out of it. The guy like I say he needs to speak to someone he can trust, and that person is not you in this case because of your situation. Non-of you did anything wrong I suppose the only thing he does not know how to deal with the issue. He loves you and he cannot imagine life without you as a result he’ s trying to destroy his life.

Be patient with him, going back to find out why and when things turned out this way will not help anything. You are right by saying he’ s loosing his mind but to say he’ s Mad is not fair. To him you brought HIV into the relationship and he wants you without HIV. And blame himself for the situation. Church is not such a comfortable place to disclose anything. I think you should plan a holiday surprise him and remind each other why you LOVE the other person. That you’ ll never forsake each other because you love him and you’ ll always love him.

Reply to Bunny
Posted by: Botlhale | 2010/03/12

He went for counselling at church but i don''t know if he discussed anything with them. When i was pregnant i tested+ then he rejected me, in Dec he lost his job I helped him financially despite him negleting me, i helped him found work he went back to his tricks and have found out he is cheating on me. He never accepted my status and that is driving me nuts too I asked him to come with me to the clinic for counselling but he refused now i see the signs of depression, well he went for the tests and tested - so what really is his problem coz i am the one who is + and the one he is cheating on. He is still confused about me being+ and him - whereas we have a child together but he is ignorant he doesn''t want to learn more about Hiv no matter how much i try to explain he doesn''t understand. I have told him about discorndant couples but still he doesn''t believe anything I say and he is making my life difficult now. what scared me he couldn''t find his way back home from work he walked around our area for more than four hours with no clue where he was,I think he is mad.

Reply to Botlhale
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/12

He does indeed sound depressed. COuld you discuss your concerns with him, gently ? Could you discuss them with his family ? He needs to be gently persuaded to see a good local psychiarist for a proper assessment, and to frankly tell the doctor about what is troubling him, and seek the help he needs.
You mention him weeping while praying - is there someone at his church / temple / mosque with whom he may have discussed what's troubnling him, or with whom he might agree to discuss this ?

Reply to cybershrink

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