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Question
Posted by: Tee | 2012/10/05

What''s wrong with me?

Hi doc,

I''m 22 y/o in college and I''m looking to meet new friends and a possible partner. A coworker of mine told me that I look like I''m anti social. He doesn''t know anything about me but when he looked at me that''s what he said. I don''t mean to look anti social. How do I help it? The thing is, I want to form relationships but part of me avoids forming relationships. My deepest desire is to one day find a partner because I''ve been single literally my whole life. No guy has ever really been into me. I''m pretty but a bit on the bigger side. I want these relationships but part of me would rather be a lone. Actually, I prefer to be left alone. How is it I want 2 completely contradicting things. I''m going crazy and I don''t know how to fix this. I saw a friend today at school and I walked the opposite way because I didn''t feel like talking. Even though i was thinking of this exact thing when i saw him,I get in these moods often and I can''t help it. What''s wrong with me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

YOur co-woeker obviously doesnt know what he's talking about. There is no such thing as an "antisocial look", and most serial killers look OK and can be utterly charming ( otherwise they'd find it hard to get close enough to their victims ).
Some of us are more SOCIAL than others, more happyh in crowds or at least among other people ; some of us are basically content and even happy mon our own. Nothing whatever wrong with that. And usually we eventually find someone compatable with our style.
Now, there are some personal problems which might affect you and which can make it harder to get to know others. You might be shy, even in its more extreme form of Social Anxiety Disorder ( but if so, that responds really well to treatment with CBT and perhaps also some medications ). Perhaps you have low self-esteem, and don't sufficiently recognize all that's good about yourself, and lack the self-confidence to know others will be able to like you. This, too, would respond to CBT counselling.
Its not compulsory to always want to be with or chat to other people ; its usual to want this some of the time.
I really dont think there's likely to be anything seriously wrong with you ; and the uncomfortable aspects of the situation you find yourself in can be helped relatively easily. What do your family think about your concerns ? They could help you to see a psychologist for an assessment and a discussion of treatment options.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/05

YOur co-woeker obviously doesnt know what he's talking about. There is no such thing as an "antisocial look", and most serial killers look OK and can be utterly charming ( otherwise they'd find it hard to get close enough to their victims ).
Some of us are more SOCIAL than others, more happyh in crowds or at least among other people ; some of us are basically content and even happy mon our own. Nothing whatever wrong with that. And usually we eventually find someone compatable with our style.
Now, there are some personal problems which might affect you and which can make it harder to get to know others. You might be shy, even in its more extreme form of Social Anxiety Disorder ( but if so, that responds really well to treatment with CBT and perhaps also some medications ). Perhaps you have low self-esteem, and don't sufficiently recognize all that's good about yourself, and lack the self-confidence to know others will be able to like you. This, too, would respond to CBT counselling.
Its not compulsory to always want to be with or chat to other people ; its usual to want this some of the time.
I really dont think there's likely to be anything seriously wrong with you ; and the uncomfortable aspects of the situation you find yourself in can be helped relatively easily. What do your family think about your concerns ? They could help you to see a psychologist for an assessment and a discussion of treatment options.

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