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Question
Posted by: jo-anne | 2009/11/17

whats more important

hi.my boyfriend is not very sharp and witty at all.he is not stupid as we can carry out a decent conversation but he' s not exactly bright.he is however a loving man who is for da most part considerate and caring and i love him.he wants to marry me but i wori about our kids...i would love to have smart kids.so what is more important,an intelligent partner or someone who is loving,kind and respectful?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

All paents can teach their kids something, good or bad. I very much like tbb's point, that learning kindness and gentleness, is as important as knowledge, and such teachers are rarer.
Is your bf actually limited in what he is intellectually capable of, or limited by upbringing and education and simply less informed ?
Kids tend to be a bit more intelligent than the average of their parents, and unless one parent is really very severely handicapped, the children are unlikely to suffer in terms of inheritance.
What I'd take most seriously in Maria's point is the issue of respect. If you find it hard to respect your spouse, on ANY basis, that is a problem for the marriage and later for the kids.
But respect shouldn't be determined purely by IQ points

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2009/11/17

Don' t marry a man that you don' t respect on all levels. A successful marriage is built on a connection between partners - physically and mentally. If the fact that you bf is not as intelligent as you are already bother you know it will only get worse with time.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: thebusybee | 2009/11/17

Intelligence can be learnt but kindness is sometimes quite a rare trait. Your children can always be taught by you and you can be involved with their schooling and education, but having a kind gentle person looking after them is a perfect balance.
Your intelligence plus his kindness = great parents.
Let your heat guide you here.

Reply to thebusybee
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/17

All paents can teach their kids something, good or bad. I very much like tbb's point, that learning kindness and gentleness, is as important as knowledge, and such teachers are rarer.
Is your bf actually limited in what he is intellectually capable of, or limited by upbringing and education and simply less informed ?
Kids tend to be a bit more intelligent than the average of their parents, and unless one parent is really very severely handicapped, the children are unlikely to suffer in terms of inheritance.
What I'd take most seriously in Maria's point is the issue of respect. If you find it hard to respect your spouse, on ANY basis, that is a problem for the marriage and later for the kids.
But respect shouldn't be determined purely by IQ points

Reply to cybershrink

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