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Question
Posted by: Theo | 2008/07/11

whats going on with her???

Hey..i have a situation with a lady friend of mine. We've had sex on n off ovr the past 5 years or so but i've never asked her to be in my life tho there is something very special about her. I've dated 3 other women in the past 5 years and am involved now. Yesterday i was hanging with this same lady friend and while she was busy with something outside she asked me to switch her phone off for a while. I did but before i did so I couldn't help but to look at her inbox, nothing special there then i went to the 'drafts' inbox, which ofcourse is texts written but not sent out. Lo and behold there is a text wth my number on it, in other words meant to be sent to me. However it was drafted over a year ago, the date was there feb 2007. As my friend was still busy outside i had time to read it over and over and managed to memorise over half of it. It read something like 'Why don't u choose me, what do other women have over me, am i not pretty enough, smart enough, is the sex not good enough? Are other women better educated, better conversationalists, better company to take out? Do they have better hair, better nails, prettier smiles than me? Why have u chosen your present woman over me, do you prefer the way she laughs, the way she smells, the way she talks? What does she have over me? Why do you never ever choose me?'

I can't remember the rest. what shd i do about this?? I put the phone down quickly when i heard her coming back inside and then we just continued to hang out but i was unsettled. She was behaving perfectly normally and from what I know, has done so for five years now. Has she been hiding these feelings al this time? i thought she was ok with just having sex. She knows i have proper girlfriends frm time to time and am hoping to get married soon.

What do i do i now feel very unconfortble around her, must i just cut ties? What shocks me is she has had the draft text in her phone for over a year and still not erased it, does she ask herself these qs every nite?

Look I'm far from perfect I know but i've never hidden frm her that i battle with being faithful to my girlfriends. And when i fall, its almost always with her, in fact i've lost one serious relationship because of her. She is extremely good sex.
In all the time i've known her she has never been involved with anyone and has always bn able to see me at very short notice.


what do i do am pretty freaked out


Theo

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Our expert says:
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Maybe, without specifically referring to this draft, you should at least talk with her about the relationship, what she thinks it is, isn't and where she'd like it to go, if anywhere. You can talk about how you have valued her as a friend, but that you're now involved with someone else, and hope she's not bothered about this. Treat her with respect, and work towards each understanfing the other better, rather than over-reacting too rapidly to this particular old and unsent message

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: BMJ | 2008/07/11

There is no such thing as sex with a woman with no strings attached - especially not for 5 years. She is hoping you will wake up and smell the roses!!!!

She should run like hell...

Reply to BMJ
Posted by: Zola | 2008/07/11

Amen to that John!!!!

Reply to Zola
Posted by: John | 2008/07/11

Theo, I was going to compare you to a rodent, and it would have been to the rodent's disadvantage, as I think you have made a whore out of your friend (prostitutes gets paid, whores get used). Not only that, you have not even bothered to notice what her feelings for you were, you saw through her, past her, over her - except when you need convenient sex at no cost and no obligation. Worse, you probably stopped her from getting on with her own life and made hers stand still for 5 years while you buggered around.

Shame on you.

You should do two things, without delay and in this order: get onto your knees and apologise for being a total bastard and then get up get out of her life forever. She deserves more than to be made into a whore by someone she loves.

Reply to John
Posted by: Sophie | 2008/07/11

Wow for me as a woman thats a very touchy story...I mean like said theres no dignified woman who will just sleep with a friend without having feelings for him...

I think i have the same questions as ur friend,what is wrong with her,is she not a woman enough for,just good for sexual favours?

Theo try to look at her as a woma and not ur sex buddy and see if u feel anything at all for her and if not then please brother i plead with u let her go, stop making her ur sex object, set her free,find a way of letting her know that u feel nothing for her and she should not expect anything from u therefore she needs to find love somewhere else..

Reply to Sophie
Posted by: Ja | 2008/07/11

Reminds me of the song "Alice" by smokie!
Livin' Next Door to Alice
( Smokie )

Sally called, when she got the word,
She said "I suppose you've heard about Alice."
So, I rushed to the window, and I looked outside,
And I could hardly believe my eyes,
A big limousine pulled slowly into Alice's drive.

I don't why why she's leaving, or where she's gonna go,
I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't wanna know,
'Cause for twenty four years I've been living next door to Alice.
Twenty four years, just waitin' for a chance,
To tell her how I'm feeling, maybe get a second glance,
Now I've gotta get used to not living next door to Alice.

We grew up together, two kids in the park,
Carved our initials deep in the bark......
Me and Alice.
Now she walks to the door with her head held high,
And just for a moment, I caught her eye,
As the big limousine pulled slowly out of Alice's drive.

I don't why why she's leaving, or where she's gonna go,
I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't wanna know,
'Cause for twenty four years I've been living next door to Alice.
Twenty four years, just waitin' for a chance,
To tell her how I'm feeling, maybe get a second glance,
Now I've gotta get used to not living next door to Alice.

Then Sally called back, and asked how I felt,
She said "I know how to help get over Alice."
She said "Now, Alice is gone, but I'm still here.
And you know I've been waiting twenty four years.........."
And the big limousine disappeared.......

I don't why why she's leaving, or where she's gonna go,
I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't wanna know,
'Cause for twenty four years I've been living next door to Alice.
Twenty four years, just waitin' for a chance,
To tell her how I feel and maybe get a second glance,
But I'll never get used to not living next door to Alice.

No, I'll never get used to not living next door to Alice...

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Me | 2008/07/11

You are selfish and have been using her for the past five years without ever considering her feelings.
Have you ever noticed how woman don't usually jump into bed with a 'friend' without there being some feelings?
If its only sex you're after, go find a prostitute.

Reply to Me
Posted by: koki | 2008/07/11

Theo you must first be in her shoes to understand what she is going through.If it was her doing that to you how would you feel.She is affraid to tell you cause you just want sex only, for me you are not her friend cause friends are there for each other.If you respect her you will be honest with her and leave her to find someone who will love her,respect and make her happy.please dont do that to her.Remember do good to others as you want them to do unto you

Reply to koki
Posted by: 23 | 2008/07/11

well its sound like this lady/women really like/loves you.
she is always there when you need her, like you said she drops every thing for you.
you must also have some feelings for her coz you always end up with her.

this is what i think you should do:
1. give it a go with this lady dude, sound like she loves you. why not just give it a go and see where things take you.
2. stop seeing her and let her find love, you cant keep her on a string like this for ever, you said you want to get married some day. so are you just going to string her along until you find some one you love and want to marry! what about her dude dont you think she deserves the same!

the balls in your court bro.


Ps. this is just how i feel from reading your post, i dont know you or this lady so i could be very wrong,

good luck.

Reply to 23

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