Our expert says:
How am I ? COLD !
I hope others can also provide good advise here. YOur former bf sounds like a dangerous psychopath. Speak to a good lawyer and go back to court --- if he has broken the terms of the restraining order, he is in contempt of court and shouold be sent to jail. And they must recognize that he constitute a danger and not just a nuisance to you. If he has left threats on your answering machine, keep all those tapes as they could be valuable evidence against him. And tell your husband all about this, so that he can help to protect you.
So it is essential to take firm steps to have this thug put away.
Then as to your reactions, these sound like this could be a variety of PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, with these flashbacks, etc. It responds to treatment, which should include counselling / psychotherapy, and medication usually with meds also used to treat depression.
You have been very badly damaged by a criminal who continues to threaten and menace you --- it would be peculiar to respond in any other way than you have, recently. But get the best advice you can, medically and legally, and protect yourself in every way posible.
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