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Question
Posted by: shelley | 2011/01/20

whats exactly is my problem

Im a 44 attractive woman, with perhaps a low self esteem, im not sure cyber... Ive worked hard all my life but have nothing to show for it even though i went to the UK, got married, came back to SA divorced. Im embarassed bout having nothing, but i do have integrity and pride and still work hard. Since primary school i was always cheerful, have a great sense of humour, the kids always missed me should i have been ill. I used to pull my hair out in my teens (i know its trixomania) and not sure if thats from some kind of anxiety, but used to pull out one by one and feel the roots on my lips... anyway, as ive grown older and got depressed now and then, i would take it so personally and that would depress me even more as i was always the life of the party at school or where right up until the age of 30. I moved up from durban to johannesburg when i was 24. And been alone practically for almost 22 years. every interview i go to, i blush as i havent worked for about 3 years since i been back from the UK. Some interviews im successful and some not, and i take that personally. Am i too hard on myself? i feel i always have to be witty or make people laugh but if im feeling sad, i feel like a failure and have let people down and should i go to an interview for a job i get paranoid thinking perhaps the interviewer knows someone from my passed who knew that (either i used to pull my hair out or i got depressed at a stage in my life) and i jus tend to hit a panic as i know ive a very humorous person and i suddenly feel fear.... what is wrong with me?

i hope i have xplained myself clearly....

Thanks for your time cybershrink... :)

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

How can you say you have nothing ? You have intelligence, persistence, integrity, pride, and so much more ! OK, you FEEL like you have nothing. According to which criteria, and where did those come from ? yes indeed, you are too hard on yourself. You seem to fel far too responsible for how other people feel, maybe even for whatever they do and think. They are their own business.
With your excellent sense of humour, if those fears start up while awaiting an interview, just imagine the interviewers all in a tizz, having discovered in their Secret Service Report that you used to pull hair out as a child, and they panic about whether it is safe for the nation to give this job to someone who is an ex-hair-puller. They, of course have no such problem, as they actually hire people to pull their hair out for them. Extend the fear until its ridiculousness becomes obvious to you. Imagine that all the interviewers actually pulled out all their own hair, and are wearing wigs. None of your awful secrets are awful or relevant to any job you might apply for. Remind yourself of your many points of excellence, and how well suited you could be to this job, and then calmly and pleasantly convince them of that.
In these economic times its no easy to get a job, however good you may be at it, especially when you have been away abroad.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: shelley: post 817 | 2011/01/21

thank u cyber

i may have other issues but will rewrite to u....

now, y cant i find a man like u??? he he

Reply to shelley: post 817
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/20

How can you say you have nothing ? You have intelligence, persistence, integrity, pride, and so much more ! OK, you FEEL like you have nothing. According to which criteria, and where did those come from ? yes indeed, you are too hard on yourself. You seem to fel far too responsible for how other people feel, maybe even for whatever they do and think. They are their own business.
With your excellent sense of humour, if those fears start up while awaiting an interview, just imagine the interviewers all in a tizz, having discovered in their Secret Service Report that you used to pull hair out as a child, and they panic about whether it is safe for the nation to give this job to someone who is an ex-hair-puller. They, of course have no such problem, as they actually hire people to pull their hair out for them. Extend the fear until its ridiculousness becomes obvious to you. Imagine that all the interviewers actually pulled out all their own hair, and are wearing wigs. None of your awful secrets are awful or relevant to any job you might apply for. Remind yourself of your many points of excellence, and how well suited you could be to this job, and then calmly and pleasantly convince them of that.
In these economic times its no easy to get a job, however good you may be at it, especially when you have been away abroad.

Reply to cybershrink

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