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Question
Posted by: Mr nowhere | 2010/01/15

What' s wrong with me

Hi Doc
I' m a 41 year old male and not sure what' s going on with me.
Almost every day I feel I haven' t accomplished anything, I have a decent job, but don' t seem to get anywhere. I can' t do the things I always set out to do, I get to the office and never get much done although I have enough time to do everything, at home I' m always putting everything off, I have lost all my drive, motivation and passion and have become very lazy, every day I drive home I realise how I have just wasted another day, I have a great 12 year old son who alone is reason enough to get focused for, work hard and give a good life to ( although he is not based with me as I' m divorced). I set goals but never do anything about them. Positive thoughts always turn negative. I get on well with people, but am on the shy side. About 10 years ago I lost a business after a partner left me high and dry and the business had to be closed, a few years later I found out my wife was involved with a guy at work a few months after that she told me she wanted out and divorced me, as far as the business goes I don' t go back to what happened in my mind, my divorced was really devasting for me the first few years were hard, but I' ve made a few new friends and we get on well, I still feel hurt and at times angry about my ex' s affair, but for the most part I have moved on. I' ve met a lady I really like but haven' t had the courage to tell her as I' m not earning a great income, I work on a basic and comm structure and could earn a great income if I could just get motivated, the lady earns an income about 4 times mine, so I also feel she would probably not be interested because I' m not earning near what she is. I feel like a real failure as after I lost the business I lost everything financialy except my house and then chose to leave my share of the house with my ex when I got divorced because my son was only 7 at the time and the house is next to his school and it didn' t make sense to sell and have his life disrupted anymore than it was, so now I' m 41 and starting over in life with nothing and can' t get going (already 4 years since the divorce). Not being well off also means I don' t have the money to spend shrinks and life coaches, so I' m not sure what to do!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You've achieved well, but are undervaluing your achievements, having had some profoundly disppointing experiences in life which were not your fault though you may have blamed yourself for them. It would be a good idea to see a psychologist for a proper assessment, and then a discussion of treatment options, probably best uing CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour therapy ).
Check what may be available at a reasonable cost. And don't waste a single cent on self-appointed and self-qualified "Life Coaches" who are uniformly useless.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/15

You've achieved well, but are undervaluing your achievements, having had some profoundly disppointing experiences in life which were not your fault though you may have blamed yourself for them. It would be a good idea to see a psychologist for a proper assessment, and then a discussion of treatment options, probably best uing CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour therapy ).
Check what may be available at a reasonable cost. And don't waste a single cent on self-appointed and self-qualified "Life Coaches" who are uniformly useless.

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