Posted by: Annon | 2009-07-14

What' s wrong with her? (long story sorry)

I know there are people out there with real issues, and I don’ t really have need for complaint but I have to get this out and I hope I can get some feedback as to how to handle this situation, it’ s driving me up the wall

My boyfriend and I live with his parents and so does his sister –  we are busy building our house –  but now the sister is not a very nice person by nature, which I thought I thought I can handle since she is the man whom I love’ s sister… .. but in the time we have lived there this women has been COLD, when she’ s in a bad mood do not even dream of approaching her, she has no regard for any ones feelings not even her own mother or father –  her poor father she treats like dirt to put it in a very nice term and when she’ s irritated she will shout at her mom in a very disrespectful way.. and to me that’ s just wrong but I keep out of it since I’ m the outsider in the house and no one in the family will put her in her place.

But now I know she has a problem with me, since she has made it clear on a few occasions.

So my current problem is as follows and I know this might be shallow to some but it really is beginning to get to me –  my BF and I went on a short week holiday, were away since last week Friday and only got home last night, so the house was in a state so say the least especially the kitchen area, and Angry lady and her mom went and slept at a casino hotel on Sunday night leaving the house in the state it was in, I’ m sorry to say I was very tired from the drive last night it was a eight –  nine hour drive, so I really was not in the mood to clean the kitchen in which I had no hand in messing up (childish I know) so today I’ m back at work, took a quick lunch and low and be-hold she’ s home cleaning, so I greeted her with a smile and how are you, the look and reply I got just told me get away… . I mean now later she will be all friendly and nice and I have to follow soot.

How do I handle this women who will be nice when it fits her mood but when she is in a bad mood she feels she as the right to treat you like garbage, and you better not say anything back because then you’ re the pig in the story…  at times I don’ t feel like going home after work, and when I do go home I go to our room and close the door and don’ t come out, since most of the time it’ s my bf mom and dad fighting or his sister shouting at the dad or the sister shouting at her son, now my bf doesn’ t see this since he works away from home, and is only home over the weekends and I know the cardinal rule in a relationship is not to bad mouth the other half’ s family so I don’ t tell him how horrible it is.

I know some will say just move out –  and I cannot tell you how desperately I want to but we’ re still building on our house and I hope it will be done before the end of this year…  or I’ ll go insane… . I cannot stand the fighting and shouting and swearing, I’ m not like that even when my BF and I have an argument we don’ t shout at each other or anything like that, we try and discuss it.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Long, long indeed...
Expect her to be cold and rude. Then her normal behaviour won't surprise or trouble you, and if she is ever even accidentaslly pleasant, that'll be a treat. There was no reason at all why you should have cleaned up the kitchen the others messed up --- you're not a servant. You have seen and recognized how she works, and that her mood, whether nice or nasty is actally not about you or caused by you. So refuse to take it seriously. If the others choose to fight, let them, but ignore them --- dont let it upset you any more than you let yourself be upset by the noise of thundr.
And you don't need to bad-mouth the others in order to calmly chat with your bf about how difficult things can be. Surely they're not all sweetness the entire time he's home ? He must have heard them fighting, and must know wyhat his sister is like. Treat their squabbling like the dog next door barking -- not something you have to allow yourself to get upset about

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Our users say:
Posted by: Annon | 2009-07-15

Thank you Doc.

Will make use of the good advise you directed my way.

Reply to Annon

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