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Question
Posted by: Mbulelo | 2010-10-14

What will you do

I am married to a person who does not like to give me even a cent, but he only gives money to his daughter, the last time his daughter was boasting that his father is going to give him money for telephone, for clothing and for that and that. I just keep quiet hence his father will never even give you money for grocery or for anything for his wife. last time I asked him money to do my hair he said he has nothing, I just shut up, today his daughter asked me saying I am the only person that he can ask he want R200 to go for movies on Saturday, I told her I will tell her father. What can you do

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This pattern, of someone ( usually a man ) with a child from a previous relationship, marrying and then funding his children from the previous liaison and neglecting his wife, seems sadly common. YOu should at least try to discuss this with him, and maybe if there are family elders interested in the success of your marriage, discuss it with them as well. Sometimes a father spoils the child out of a sense of guilt for having parted with the child's mother.

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Our users say:
Posted by: lelo | 2010-10-14

i agree with you Liza. My husband doesn''t pay my expenses for me. I buy my own clothes, pay for haircuts, etc. When we go out, we have turns to pay the bill. I don''t expect him to do this. We share expenses.

It''s sad that men treat women like this though. I have experienced something similar with my hubby though. We had a visitor staying with us for about 2 mths. My hubby and i are different races. This visitor was the same race as him. He never does anyhting for me, but everytime she needed something, he was there to assist.

Sometimes, you just have to accept that husband''s will always take better care of their own kind.

Reply to lelo
Posted by: Liza | 2010-10-14

Do not give this daughter a cent of your money. If she wants something she can ask her father. It sounds like this daughter is not your biological daughter?

Do you have your own job? I would never expect a guy to pay for my hair/clothes/phone etc. since I have my own job and can pay for these things myself. I would expect to share household expenses like rent,bond and groceries. Who pays the bond or rent? Who pays for the electricity? Who pays rates/levies? These are the kinds of expenses that need to be shared - although not always equally. If I was living with a guy with 3 kids, I would expect him to pay more towards living expenses than what I do with only my one son living with me.

But that''s just me.
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Mbulelo | 2010-10-14

And more when we deliver her at her school every morning, she will tell his daddy that her mistress said hellow in front of me and that why didnt he come to the school meeting she was waiting for him, he was very cross and changed the subject I just looked at him. Is this fair.

Reply to Mbulelo
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-10-14

This pattern, of someone ( usually a man ) with a child from a previous relationship, marrying and then funding his children from the previous liaison and neglecting his wife, seems sadly common. YOu should at least try to discuss this with him, and maybe if there are family elders interested in the success of your marriage, discuss it with them as well. Sometimes a father spoils the child out of a sense of guilt for having parted with the child's mother.

Reply to cybershrink

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