advertisement
Question
Posted by: Mary | 2011/09/12

what to do...what to do!

I got married this year to a divorcee with two kids. I also have a daugther from a previous relationship. during our courtship, they kids blended quite well. since we all became a family things have changed. His kids are still in contact with their Bio Mom and everytime they come back from visiting her, they cause alot of stress around the house, they cry, they fight etc. Yesterday my daugther (8 years) told me that she want us to find a place of our own because the two sisters are mean to her (they are 11 and 8). am so confused and I don''t know what to do. Is there anything that we can do to make sure that everyone gets well together with each other? will it be fair that I take my daugther on a holiday so that we can spend time together and leave the other kids at home? am asking this because she also suggested that we go on holiday just the two of us. she was the only child for a very long time and we used to travel a lot, now having a big family it means cutting on some of the things that we used to do because my husband is struggling with the kids. Their Bio mom is refusing to maintain them.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I find this a rather frequent pattern ; and biomom is usually either unwittingly or more often deliberately, stirring things up.
But one important step that's necessary is for you and your husband to get together, draw up a basic list of house / family rules, with consequences for breaking them or keeping them, and then to discus these calmly but firmly with the kids.
It must be made clear that while biomom can have her own rules in her own home, these do NOT apply in your shared home, and unkindness and lack of respect ( let alone anything worse ) towards ANY inhabitant of your home, from yourselves, to any kid, to the cat and the goldfish, is unacaptable.
Your daughter may be findng it hard, initially, to adjust to the move from being an only child to one of three, and may be unused to the squabbling and friction that the other two are more used to between themselves, without themselves feeling upset by it.
Maintenance is an issue that should be decided by a court, which should take into account the relative earnings of biomom and biodad, and if she earns enough, she would be required to make a fair contribution to their costs. She is not entitled to simply pile expenses on her ex out of bitterness.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/12

I find this a rather frequent pattern ; and biomom is usually either unwittingly or more often deliberately, stirring things up.
But one important step that's necessary is for you and your husband to get together, draw up a basic list of house / family rules, with consequences for breaking them or keeping them, and then to discus these calmly but firmly with the kids.
It must be made clear that while biomom can have her own rules in her own home, these do NOT apply in your shared home, and unkindness and lack of respect ( let alone anything worse ) towards ANY inhabitant of your home, from yourselves, to any kid, to the cat and the goldfish, is unacaptable.
Your daughter may be findng it hard, initially, to adjust to the move from being an only child to one of three, and may be unused to the squabbling and friction that the other two are more used to between themselves, without themselves feeling upset by it.
Maintenance is an issue that should be decided by a court, which should take into account the relative earnings of biomom and biodad, and if she earns enough, she would be required to make a fair contribution to their costs. She is not entitled to simply pile expenses on her ex out of bitterness.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement