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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2013-02-20

What to do...

Dear CS,

If I have to give you the whole background on this it would take forever.... short and sweet:

My mother in-law has made a comment on our daughter and our way of parenting, (not 2 yet) more than 3 years ago which upset us, she also suggested that my hubby and I will be divorced within a year (I was pregnant with my son at the time).
(my heart is pumping as I type this, I don''t know why?)

2 days before Christmas and on christmas day she did the same, suggesting that our kids are out of control, our marraige are on the rocks and all sorts of nonsens! None of it''s true, my inlaws move to Dubai just after my daughter was born. They live a GOOD life, my mother in law does not work and is a well looked after women and highly focussed on a clean, neat and " undisturbed"  environment. She used to raise her 3 son''s with her " lefty"  as I would call it and doesn''t believe in the psychology side of parenting. ( balance both psychology and an occasional smack with my children etc).

During our visit with them over christmas we had to constanly make sure our 2 and 4 year old children behave like ADULTS (no playing too much, no loud giggles, must accompany everyone on lunch and trips to the mall etc etc etec).

Eventually on Christmas day my mother in-law decided to interfere again and told us that our children are undiciplined and too noisy, apparently my daughters speaks too loud (untrue, she gets excited when she and her brother plays). That was the final straw, my husband and I decided to leave and stayed the night at a hotel before returning to CT. We wished them a happy new year, got not reply back. They congratulated both my sister in-law''s on their b-day''s but not me, they did not phone there granddaughter on her b-day last week!

My husband are extremely sad, disappointed and mad at them for all that has happened. My father in-law did not do much to question the situation but has said in the past that he will never choose his children over his wife. Mother inlaw also known to NEVER apologise if she was wrong.

What should we do from our side, this is rediculous and it feels like they are pressuring us to contact them first and apologise....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

How very fortunate you are that this arrogant and ill-informed woman is now in Dubai. I hope she doesn't disturb the well-known peace in the Middle East. How can she resist the temptation to tell all the governments in the region how they should run their affairs ? She's just as qualified to do so as to tell you how to raise your kids.
But stop giving this dragon so much power over you. She can only upset you to the extent that you agree to allow this and to take her silly views seriously. You have nothign whatever to apologise for, and they won't apologise. SO just leave apology issues off the agenda.
Concentrate on your own good marriage and your good children, and hope not to hear from them, instead of looking for messages and congratulations from the old emotional miser.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2013-02-20

Thank you, I feel somewhat relieved! Now, do I show this to my husband so to put his mind at ease aswell or not. I don''t want him to think I HATE his parents, ''cause I don''t. I just want him to make peace with what had happened and i want him to NOT feel guilty anymore.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: kgee | 2013-02-20

Hi anon
i dont want be jugdemental bt ur parents in law they are so pathetic,selfish,etc they dont do those things to ur children bt you they dont like you my dear.maybe they didnt want thier son to marry you bt someone else i dont understand why they should do these to you and your children.plz plz plz Forgive them and move on with ur life im glad u leave far from them,they are evil only God who created marriage and just tell urself only God who will separate u or till death do u apart.i knw hw u feel my sister if you dont have support from our parents.but mark my words one day when they die they will call you first they will apologise to you,be a woman of prayer pray all the times dont be discouraged all the best my sister we love u

Reply to kgee
Posted by: Kelly | 2013-02-20

What Maria said.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Maria | 2013-02-20

Ignore them. They live far away and do not need to influence your lives at all.

Reply to Maria

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