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Question
Posted by: Jesna | 2012/02/16

What to do???

I am in my 40''s overweight.My husband have not touched me in 2 months. When asked he said that i am to fat and i turn him of. I went to GP and was diagnosed with Insulin resistance - now on meds and loosing weight. He is distant and it feels like trying to make comments all the time to hurt me or the kids - not just about weight about everything. this has been going on for years now - the rudeness>  he is always right and everybody out there is trying to use and abuse him. Now he is attacking finances and commenting all the time - that i owe him this and i owe him that. I already pay my whole salary towards bills and some over to him to help with bills he pay. I pay my own medical costs, GP, dentist and glasses. I feel so unloved and under attack all the time that i just want to pack my bags and run. He wil not go for counceling because he is always right. Everybody around him is already walking on tipie toe to not upset him. I feel like just bursting out and yelling at him to get his act together or i will go. I dont want to but i can not live like this any longer.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're right, this is not just about weight ; weight was an excuse. And I doubt that he is still as good-looking as when you first went out together. Could you manage to persuade him to join you in marriage counselling, even if he needs at first to see it as a process to work on your problems, without at first agreeing that its his behaviour that is the primary problem ? Don't let him see it as being about the counsellor siding with you and seeing him as wrong.
Similarly, the financial complaints sound unreasonable.
As you point out, this actually isn't about you, as everyone else apparently also has to walk on eggshells not to bother him, too. Maybe it doesn't need to be shouting, but you may need to tell him that he is unacceptably rude and unloving, and that while you're prepared to work with him to get his act together, you're not prepared to stay around and be mistreated like this. And consult a lawyer to be sure of how best to protect your own rights.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/16

You're right, this is not just about weight ; weight was an excuse. And I doubt that he is still as good-looking as when you first went out together. Could you manage to persuade him to join you in marriage counselling, even if he needs at first to see it as a process to work on your problems, without at first agreeing that its his behaviour that is the primary problem ? Don't let him see it as being about the counsellor siding with you and seeing him as wrong.
Similarly, the financial complaints sound unreasonable.
As you point out, this actually isn't about you, as everyone else apparently also has to walk on eggshells not to bother him, too. Maybe it doesn't need to be shouting, but you may need to tell him that he is unacceptably rude and unloving, and that while you're prepared to work with him to get his act together, you're not prepared to stay around and be mistreated like this. And consult a lawyer to be sure of how best to protect your own rights.

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