Our expert says:
You're right, this is not just about weight ; weight was an excuse. And I doubt that he is still as good-looking as when you first went out together. Could you manage to persuade him to join you in marriage counselling, even if he needs at first to see it as a process to work on your problems, without at first agreeing that its his behaviour that is the primary problem ? Don't let him see it as being about the counsellor siding with you and seeing him as wrong.
Similarly, the financial complaints sound unreasonable.
As you point out, this actually isn't about you, as everyone else apparently also has to walk on eggshells not to bother him, too. Maybe it doesn't need to be shouting, but you may need to tell him that he is unacceptably rude and unloving, and that while you're prepared to work with him to get his act together, you're not prepared to stay around and be mistreated like this. And consult a lawyer to be sure of how best to protect your own rights.
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