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Question
Posted by: Feelings | 2011/08/08

What to do?

I met someone a month ago and we saw each other only a few times. I''m not one to develop feelings quickly but somehow I started liking this man. He seemed to like my personality, saying that I''m " sweet" . I thought the same about him. He is very smart and insightful, and always listened to me and remembered things I said later.

Well, everything was going great until our last date. We were at his place and he kissed me. I kissed him back and we kissed for a little while. But then I thought he wanted to have sex and told him we shouldn''t do that. He immediately got confused and upset, said he was feeling weird and didn''t know how to go back to a happy place from there. I tried explaining that I wasn''t rejecting him and said that because of my period. It didn''t change anything. I started to feel strange myself and stupidly said if all he wanted was sex, then I wasn''t interested. That made things even worse. He said he was nothing like that and he didn''t want me to think those things about him. Well, we felt so awkward, I had to leave. He said we''d start over a few days later.

A few days later, I got an email from him saying he still felt I had thought ill of him. He said he couldn''t picture us together again but wished me all happiness in the world.

I understand he doesn''t want to see me again. What I don''t understand is how we could get to this situation. I didn''t think ill of him even once. How did I offend him so much that he can''t see me the same way again? Why can''t he forgive this accident?

I''m positive his intentions were good. He was always tender, always patient. He even asked permission to kiss me. I keep thinking it was all my fault now.

He''s 35, has a job that requires a lot of responsibility. I''d never judge his maturity. Me, on the other hand, I''m 26, professional but inexperienced in many ways. I think maybe I was the immature one.

I want to tell him how I feel but I''m too scared too. I don''t want him to think I''m stalking him. What do I do? I feel we''ll never know how happy we could have been only because of a moment that went wrong.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sometimes you tramp on someone's sore toes, without having known that they had any. Some accidents are actually accidents. Sometimes we're more clumsy than we intended to be, and maybe this time each of you were a bit more clumsy than normal.
Take it easy. He may have been over-hasty in ending the relationship, however gently, and may re-think. If he really can't do that, then he was less than you thought he was, and it may be best to let him go, and move on

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: OB | 2011/08/08

Jenni has said it all- you have been played.
He could not get laid then put the blame on you - this is very clever and many men do this!

Reply to OB
Posted by: Ph | 2011/08/08

Come on Feelings. Dont you realise that this guy is playing you? You are 26 years old, surely you know when someone is going to bed you or not, and in your case you were right , he wanted you to go all the way. I have never met a guy who will say " yes, i wanted to have sex with you on that particular day when you suddently came to your senses adn stood up " . Yes, he will be tender, and all romantic if thats the actions you want to remember, would you rather he be violent and pushy? Wont that seem like rape? Stop making excuses for him, what does lots of responsibilities have to do with you? You have just saved yourself a broken heart. I assure you now, that he is sure and know that you are thinking about him and will definitely come back

Reply to Ph
Posted by: Jenni | 2011/08/08

Quite frankly, a man who expects a woman to put out after a month of being together is a jerk. This is 2011- there are diseases and all sorts out there, but you must have sex with him after only ONE month if KNOWING him? Come on, you can do better. If his intentions were good, he''d CONTINUE to be patient and gentle UNTIL YOU ARE READY.

Reply to Jenni
Posted by: Feelings | 2011/08/08

I would have understood if he had given me a reason that I connot change, for example if he had said I''m not his type or that he had pictured me differently, but even in his last email he maintained that he thinks I''m a lovely person. Yet he won''t give me a chance to prove that I didn''t think anything bad about him.

Reply to Feelings
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/08

Sometimes you tramp on someone's sore toes, without having known that they had any. Some accidents are actually accidents. Sometimes we're more clumsy than we intended to be, and maybe this time each of you were a bit more clumsy than normal.
Take it easy. He may have been over-hasty in ending the relationship, however gently, and may re-think. If he really can't do that, then he was less than you thought he was, and it may be best to let him go, and move on

Reply to cybershrink

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