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Question
Posted by: Kelly | 2011/07/26

What To Do

What do you do when you have been so ripped off by someone, well not just anyone but someone close, that you trusted and took as family and you just feel like mudering them?


When that person has taken everything from you and you cannot legally do anything about it because they covered thier tracks so well theres no way of actually proving anything.
You still have to look at this person everyday because well you have no other option. They have taken everything that was rightfully yours. Owe you hundred thousands but cannot get it back because you have no proof of it.

Your mind is consumed with thoughts of having harm come to this person because the injustice of it all you just cannot get over.
Well I feel and know what you give out comes back to you but right now I just feel like I need to see this person pay for their wrongs right now! Then I feel like what if karma overlooks them, then what? So its like I need to see justice take place now.

Thing is this is not me, I usually would not wish harm on anyone but this has cut deep and affected those closest to me too, even more so than it has me and this is what hurts the most.
I want this person to suffer the same hurt and much more.

How do I stop having these feelings and move forward without hurting anyone...How do I get rid of the sadness I feel and just know that one day they will have done to them what they have done to others instead of seeking revenge?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As you know, murder is not only illegal but surprisingly unsatisfying. In the sort of awful situation you describe, there should probably be two priorities : (a) learn all you can from the situation so as to prevent such things from happening to you again ( and sometimes, even if you can't get back what the bad guy owes you, you may be able to take steps to prevent him from doing it to others ) ; and (b) free yourself from being tied with bonds of bitterness to that person, the events, and burning resentment - continuing to boil with anger and angiush over it, continues to punish you, not the perpetrator. This is not at all the same thing as the trivial and shallow "forgiveness" too often preached by people who have never had anything needing to be forgiven, but it is an important matter of not allowing your personality, and life, to be shaped indefinitely by what the bad guys did.
Do see a counsellor / psychotherapist to help you work through this. Continuing to concentrate on the perfectly understandable bitterness aroused by these events, will cause continuing damage to you and yours, which is fortunately not necessary and can be avoided.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/26

As you know, murder is not only illegal but surprisingly unsatisfying. In the sort of awful situation you describe, there should probably be two priorities : (a) learn all you can from the situation so as to prevent such things from happening to you again ( and sometimes, even if you can't get back what the bad guy owes you, you may be able to take steps to prevent him from doing it to others ) ; and (b) free yourself from being tied with bonds of bitterness to that person, the events, and burning resentment - continuing to boil with anger and angiush over it, continues to punish you, not the perpetrator. This is not at all the same thing as the trivial and shallow "forgiveness" too often preached by people who have never had anything needing to be forgiven, but it is an important matter of not allowing your personality, and life, to be shaped indefinitely by what the bad guys did.
Do see a counsellor / psychotherapist to help you work through this. Continuing to concentrate on the perfectly understandable bitterness aroused by these events, will cause continuing damage to you and yours, which is fortunately not necessary and can be avoided.

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