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Question
Posted by: Round and round | 2011/07/06

What to do?

My boyfriend and I have bn in a long relationship, with its ups and downs as per any relationship goes. However when it was bad it was extremely bad, things getting thrown and broken, along with a mean temper, then when things were good it was super! not much inbetween though. I left our place (we have a place together) after a tiff and the accompanying temper just pushed me off the edge.
Now a few weeks later after some incredibly nasty messages, he apologises for those and said he didn''t mean what he said and would now do anything for me, absolutely anything. I said to him I had enough and more than just love was needed to get us through this as it has happened way too many times and things said and done that cannot be taken back. He stated he would not be willing to accept me saying I no longer want this and will fight for me,as I am his and no one else can have me.
I love him a great, great deal but will lose the respect and support of loved ones if I go back, they also have no time for him after this. I know he loves me dearly too, but why such drastic measures after years to tell me. How much is enough before you can ''throw in the towel'' and am I fooling myself that he can bring about all this change and we will be alright after all this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe you can't entirely judge, right now, whether or not i would be a good idea to continue with this relationship. But maybe, if he really means that he's prepared to try anything, go for couples counselling together, and see whether you can jointly understand each other better and control these mad episodes ; or maybe you can't control them but at least could then part on better terms and with enough understanding to avoid repeating the errors ? If the problems have been as chronic as you imply, then you and he will not change yourselves or your interactions usefully on your own

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/06

Maybe you can't entirely judge, right now, whether or not i would be a good idea to continue with this relationship. But maybe, if he really means that he's prepared to try anything, go for couples counselling together, and see whether you can jointly understand each other better and control these mad episodes ; or maybe you can't control them but at least could then part on better terms and with enough understanding to avoid repeating the errors ? If the problems have been as chronic as you imply, then you and he will not change yourselves or your interactions usefully on your own

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