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Question
Posted by: Stressed | 2011-06-21

What to do?

I have been in a relationship for 5.5 years, with great times and not so great times, not too much inbetween. We hit an extremely rocky patch and I was constantly in tears and he has somewhat of a temper. two weeks ago it was te cherry on top and I left! We have seen each ther briefly inbetween and spoken every now and then. He stated after this he wanted to go for dinner and changed his mind twice in a matter of minutes and proceeded to tell me he wants nothing to do with me. The very next day, same thing happened! This time more with horrible name calling, telling me to shove my family and telling me that this is going to be horrible so best I be prepared! The very day after that he calls and says he wants me to move bak into our place and realises all the horrible things he has said and done the past two weeks as well as all the times before, he will do anything to make it right. I asked him why only now!? Is it becasue they are genuine or just a bruised ego? I also asked how he/ we could make things right with my family.
My family says this is a no go area and I must stand my ground and stay away, my heart and head are so so torn and I do notknow what to do! I was also told by the family that should I go back, then that is my support structure (being them) gone! Please, please help me shed some light on this from an outside perspective. I am currently 26 years old too

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you have any interest in continuing with this relationship ( though, obviously, on a much better basis than at present !) then suggest you start meeting at a couples counsellor to sort out what on earth is going omn at present, which is clearly not pleasant for either of you.
I don't see why the family ought to be involved at this stage. If the two of you cannot resolve whatever these difficulties are, you won't get back together whatver the family thinks or wants ; if you can sort things out, then you can sort out the family issues later.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Stressed | 2011-06-21

Thank you for the feedback, it is greatly appreciated. My BF is 25. I suggested couples counselling quite some time back and he thought it quite funny that I suggested that as we are both so young. Maybe its a guy thing...
My friends have even hidden my house keys from me as they feel this relationship is ''toxic'', therefore I can''t be temped to go back until there is some sort of clarification.

Reply to Stressed
Posted by: Stressed | 2011-06-21

Thank you for the feedback, it is greatly appreciated. My BF is 25. I suggested couples counselling quite some time back and he thought it quite funny that I suggested that as we are both so young. Maybe its a guy thing...
My friends have even hidden my house keys from me as they feel this relationship is ''toxic'', therefore I can''t be temped to go back until there is some sort of clarification.

Reply to Stressed
Posted by: hilly | 2011-06-21

how old is your boyfriend

Reply to hilly
Posted by: Lee | 2011-06-21

You are being manipulated by both sides. Your family should stick by you no matter what you decide and be there for you again if you''ve made a mistake. But they probably think that they are trying to help.
As for your relationship, things don''t sound very healthy right now. A day between doing something wrong and saying sorry is not enough time. Tell him calmly or write a letter, that you need more time apart for both your sakes. Give yourselves time apart. Real time. Do things with friends, join an art class or yoga - something for yourself - therapeutic. then in a month or so have dinner with him. Set the rules and the pace and regain your power without being forceful.

Reply to Lee
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-06-21

If you have any interest in continuing with this relationship ( though, obviously, on a much better basis than at present !) then suggest you start meeting at a couples counsellor to sort out what on earth is going omn at present, which is clearly not pleasant for either of you.
I don't see why the family ought to be involved at this stage. If the two of you cannot resolve whatever these difficulties are, you won't get back together whatver the family thinks or wants ; if you can sort things out, then you can sort out the family issues later.

Reply to cybershrink

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