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Question
Posted by: Patricia | 2011-04-18

What to do?

My boyfriend and I are currently separated, trying to solve issues.

It was all fine with him, I was the one with complaints. It started because he''s affectionate but I wasn''t getting the feeling that he understood me. He seems a bit more unaware of things in general than anyone I know. However, I was trying to get used to it because I think he only meant well. But a while ago I saw an ad on a website that we use sometimes that had a lot of information that coincided with him. The ad said he was alone at home and wanted some company from a female. I told him I was worried about the ad. He said it''s not his but if I wanted I could have his login info and check. I said maybe if he could show me himself instead without giving me his password, that would do. But he didn''t want to. Then I said it''s fine but there can''t be a relationship without trust. And he said I should just forget about the ad and concentrate on other things.

Well, I don''t even care about the ad anymore, I only wanted to know he''s saying the truth. It''s really important to me that people are honest. But I feel he is hiding something.

He''s always been the one who wanted this relationship most, and he says he loves me while I am still not too sure if I love him or if the feelings are still growing towards love. Still he is the one with secrets.

We''ve been dealing with this break up for 2 weeks because he didn''t want to break up right away (hoping I''d change my mind and come back to him). However, he was very quick to change his online status to single. And in the meanwhile he already started looking for someone else but wanted me to see him yesterday, which I did. Honestly, this is starting to hurt me a lot more than if I had left him 2 weeks ago. This prolonged break up is making me feel like I''m losing everything in my life. Yet he won''t prove he was honest and continues looking for other people, while saying he needs time to think.

I think he doesn''t love me, or if he does, he must feel so lonely that he will do anything to get some company.

I don''t know what to do because I hate drama and confusion. I''m open. If someone has questions, I answer them straight and give proof if necessary. But in the end he thinks it''s me who''s causing trouble. He even said he''s the most normal person he knows and that I''m completely crazy. But I think I really got caught up in his game because it''s hurting me to let go.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I canno understand how you expect to sort out problems which arose between you, working separately. COuples counselling is the only way you're likely to succeed in this - IF both of you are truly committed to finding a solution.
Asm it sounds as if you may be far more fond or anc doncerned about him than vice versa, he might be reluctant to get into the counselling. It does sound as though he is looking for recruiting your successor.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-04-19

I canno understand how you expect to sort out problems which arose between you, working separately. COuples counselling is the only way you're likely to succeed in this - IF both of you are truly committed to finding a solution.
Asm it sounds as if you may be far more fond or anc doncerned about him than vice versa, he might be reluctant to get into the counselling. It does sound as though he is looking for recruiting your successor.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Anne | 2011-04-18

Dont let him fool you. Even if he is lonely, he will not just jump right into looking for the next person. You say you are not sure whether you love him, but it sounds to me lkie you love him loads more than he loves you. You know what, let go and get over him. He is hiding stuff from you and obvously on the prowl for somebody else. If you dont let go, you wil get very badly hurt. He sounds like bad news to me

Reply to Anne

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