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Question
Posted by: Sandy | 2010/07/05

What to do?

Been going out with my boyfriend for 18 months now. He was very warm and loving in the first 6 months of the relationship. Now he is cold, mean and does not talk to me much. I am 28, he is 30 and I thought we would one day settle down. On Saturday I call him and tell him how much I missed the old him, who used to call me to check up on me, told me he loved every so often and held my hand and gave me hugs. But now he hardly says hello, or kiss me or call. All he said was since he is not giving me all these things, maybe someone else will and he thought it best we call it quits. Was I wrong in confronting him because now I am hurting so badly and feel guilty for saying all these things coz I have lost him. I have not seen or spoken to him since. What do I do now? I feel that I can never meet anyone who will settle down and love me completely at my age?

In just called him to ask to see him tonight and he said yes but I don''t know what I am going to say.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He surely owes you a better explanation than that. Confrontation is an aggressive act too often, when it should be more carefully assertive. But its not wrong to tell him how you're feling, and what it is about the situation that bothers you. Something seems to have happened, apparently on his side. I doubt very much that it was anything you said that "lost" him - if we was so disturbed by your comments, he was probably lost already.
Don't catastrophize, as you are doing when you start thinking that nobody will ever love you - that's a highly negative and inaccurate assumption that doesn't help the situation at all.
Tonight be friendly and pleasant, and first see what he has to say, and respond to that ; and gently tell him you are puzzled that things seem to have changed between you and you dotn't understand why

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: babes1 | 2010/07/05

Sandy ur man was looking for an excuse to dump u, real now what kind of a man end a relationship just because the woman is trying to communicate her feelings..

Sorry my love, but the reason this man has been cold towards u its because he is not into u anymore.

Reply to babes1
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/05

He surely owes you a better explanation than that. Confrontation is an aggressive act too often, when it should be more carefully assertive. But its not wrong to tell him how you're feling, and what it is about the situation that bothers you. Something seems to have happened, apparently on his side. I doubt very much that it was anything you said that "lost" him - if we was so disturbed by your comments, he was probably lost already.
Don't catastrophize, as you are doing when you start thinking that nobody will ever love you - that's a highly negative and inaccurate assumption that doesn't help the situation at all.
Tonight be friendly and pleasant, and first see what he has to say, and respond to that ; and gently tell him you are puzzled that things seem to have changed between you and you dotn't understand why

Reply to cybershrink

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