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Question
Posted by: Me | 2010/04/16

What to do?

I have a problem, been married for 7 years now, have 3 lovely kids. My wife is not the easiest people to live with. She will hate you with a passion and treat you worse than scum if you want to engage in dialogue about a problem or concern you have that surrounds her. I am unhappy about certain things but cannto go to her as I know it will cause huge ugly fights or if I keep quiet I might say something without thinking and then its on again. I am tired, I cant live with my issues anymore, she told me once " F*ck you nad F*ck your feelings"  I even took her with me to counseling once, she walked out the first day hating the counselour as she had to admit her faults too, She blames all her actions when it is possible to get her to eat humble pie on a difficult child hood.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Does she really not think there are problems in this relationship, or that they are not worth trying to fix ? Or does she feel that anything like marriage counselling would inevitably involve blaming her and making her feel worse ? SOunds like she is determined to avoid facing the fact that she has any faults at all, which is not only unpleasant for you, but self-defeating for her, too.
Maybe she can be encouraged to recognize that while her difficult childhood has wounded her, as it is, she is allowing whoever hurt her then, to be triumphant and to restrict her pleasure in life right now and for the future - and that therapy would actually free her from whatever happened, and enable her to find a more free and happ way of living.
Discuss this issue with your own counsellor, and work out a strategy to deal with this, perhaps on the lines I've suggested.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/16

Does she really not think there are problems in this relationship, or that they are not worth trying to fix ? Or does she feel that anything like marriage counselling would inevitably involve blaming her and making her feel worse ? SOunds like she is determined to avoid facing the fact that she has any faults at all, which is not only unpleasant for you, but self-defeating for her, too.
Maybe she can be encouraged to recognize that while her difficult childhood has wounded her, as it is, she is allowing whoever hurt her then, to be triumphant and to restrict her pleasure in life right now and for the future - and that therapy would actually free her from whatever happened, and enable her to find a more free and happ way of living.
Discuss this issue with your own counsellor, and work out a strategy to deal with this, perhaps on the lines I've suggested.

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