Our expert says:
The grandparents need to be talked with very seriously, about how they are ruining the health and life of thegrandchild, not only by spoiling her in general, but by teaching her to eat sweets and other things that are not goof for her. Work with a dietician if necessary, to devise a healthy diet for the girl, and maybe have at least one of the grandparents meet the dietician to be enrolled in the program rather than sabotaging it.
When the child says she is fat, agree hat this is so --- but emphasize that this need not remain so, and that if she workes with the right diet and exercise, she can become slimmer and even more attractive. You have not let her down, except perhaps by letti ng her pick up on your attitude of self-blame, and the sense that somehow this is inevitable rather than remediable. Emphasize all the great aspects of he which are alrady terrific, and that she can change this one aspect that's not yet too great, as she's capable of continuing self-improvement. And as Katy rightly emphasizes, make sure she bcomes and intelligent and active participant in her diet program, rather than just a sullen recipient of someone else's ideas.
Enlist the help of a child psychologist, if necessary. And mabe you could do with a few counselling sessions, as your profoundly negative and "given up" attitude is so clear
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