Posted by: Anon | 2009-03-20

what to do?

I don' t know what do do anymore? My child is very overweight. I try to help her by letting her eat healty, but the grandparents just keeps on feeding her and buying sweets and let her eat and eat. I feel sorry for my child. There is no way that i can keep her away from there but i don' t know what to do anymore?

Doc, how do i handle this situation. I think my child already have a issue with her body, and she keeps on saying that she is fat. I feel so bad, because i think i handled the situation incorrect. It makes me feel like a failure. I just feel like i let her down. I am her mother, and i should have never let it get so far.

I want to help her, but what do i do? I took her to a dietrician before, but they just kept on letting her eat what she wanted.

How do i handle it without her feeling bad???? I can see in her behaviour that her self esteem is going downhill. She is a beautifull child and she has a big heart and really loves people and have empaty for people. She is a great child. I need to help her...........

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Our expert says:
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The grandparents need to be talked with very seriously, about how they are ruining the health and life of thegrandchild, not only by spoiling her in general, but by teaching her to eat sweets and other things that are not goof for her. Work with a dietician if necessary, to devise a healthy diet for the girl, and maybe have at least one of the grandparents meet the dietician to be enrolled in the program rather than sabotaging it.
When the child says she is fat, agree hat this is so --- but emphasize that this need not remain so, and that if she workes with the right diet and exercise, she can become slimmer and even more attractive. You have not let her down, except perhaps by letti ng her pick up on your attitude of self-blame, and the sense that somehow this is inevitable rather than remediable. Emphasize all the great aspects of he which are alrady terrific, and that she can change this one aspect that's not yet too great, as she's capable of continuing self-improvement. And as Katy rightly emphasizes, make sure she bcomes and intelligent and active participant in her diet program, rather than just a sullen recipient of someone else's ideas.
Enlist the help of a child psychologist, if necessary. And mabe you could do with a few counselling sessions, as your profoundly negative and "given up" attitude is so clear

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2009-03-20

The problem is she is 9. I don' t really wants to say what she weighs because i get crusified. I am at wits end. She weighs about 7 kilograms less than me.

Talking doesn' t help. Been there, done that no success. The grandparents keeps on reminding me that i am the bad parent here for telling my daugther not to eat this and that and trying to keep her on the healthy road. I' m the bad mother because she asked me if she was fat and i said yes. What was i suppose to tell her. Lie and let her just eat what she wants.

Well at least she is trying. I don' t mind the grandparents the only thing i' m worried about is my little girl. She probably get teased and i don' t want that for her. I don' t want her to have a issue with her body but i don' t see another way.....

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Katy | 2009-03-20

Not sure how old your daughter is, but if she is able to note that she may be fat, then why not try the dietician again, but involve her more and educate her about teh effects of certain food on her body. This way she will be able to make informed decisions. You may also have to chage your menu completely and eat what she eats. The weighless thing as suggested by CP mom is a great idea provided she' s willing and if you' re wanting lose wieght too then draw up a calendar together and set weight loss goals for both of you.

As for the grandparents... I think she needs to stand up for herself and say NO THANK YOU and the only way she will learn to do that when she understand how it affects her body (and by telling her it' s gonna make her fat, well, it' s not enough!) and you will also need to provide her with healthy alternatives.

Reply to Katy
Posted by: CP MOM | 2009-03-20

Sit down and talk to her grandparents. Tell them to please NOT force you to keep her from them. You are asking their help and if they love her they will support you AND her in the process. Also have a talk to her.

Why not let her join Weigh Less? I have a friend that brings her 16year old every saturday and she lost over 15kg' s last year....

Good luck you will have to handle this very VERY carefully.

Love Mom

Reply to CP MOM

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