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Question
Posted by: Micky | 2009-03-04

What to do?

Today for the first time in our six year relationsip, my boyfriend hit me. Full on hit me. I’ m sitting here at work with a swollen lip (and he’ s at work wit a cut hand because he cut himself on my braces- haha).

I don’ t know what happened. I woke up in a not so great mood and I asked him to do something (which he never did –  I usually have to ask a couple of times). So I did it in a huff, and he made me breakfast. Then we started arguing and when he mentioned that he made me breakfast I told him what he has told me a hundred thousand times- “ I didn’ t ask you for it” . So he threw the breakfast away, and I burst into tears and slammed the door in his face, then he burst in, threw me on the bed and hit me.

Why did he do that? He’ s not talking to me, he sent me a SMS saying he hates me…  what do I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

From the sound of it, what happened was rather complex, and probably about a whole load of issues between you. Sounds like there have been other problems, not attended to -- you say he never does whatever you ask him to do, and that you usually have to ask him several times. You were arguing, presumably about something, though the specific topic may be relatively unimportant. When he pointed out that h'd made breakfast, he was presmably trying to say that he had tried to be helpful in at least this way, and he was expecting some recognition or thanks for this, and you said "I didn't ask you for it" which apparently hurt and infuriaed him. In a loving relationshiop, shouldn't you often b doing things for each other withou having to be asked for it ? You point out that this is a response he often uses against you, which may have been especially annoying for him. He threw away the breakfast, which was a rather violent response to start with. Then you say you slammed the door in his face, which was a rather violent counter-response. Are you sure you said nothing else that may have roused him further ?
Whatever was said would be no excuse for the physical violence of hitting you. Women are often more skilled at hurtful comments, in a relationship battle, while men feel more inarticulate, and are more likely to respond physically.
The real issue is what to do next. Do you want to spend the night with a friend, and give you both more time to cool off ? Do you want to SMS him, not apologising ( unless you said something that deserves that ) but perhaps saying how much you regret all that happened, and that you'd like to find a way forward., and see how he responds.
If you plan in the longer term to stay together, relationship counselling will be essential, and is something you should both insist on as part of any potential resolution of this crisis.
Do you have family or mutual friends who could intervene and mediate between you ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: get out | 2009-03-04

Once it starts it doesn' t stop, don' t wait to be beaten countless times before doing something about it

Reply to get out
Posted by: leave | 2009-03-04

get out now, abuse relationships kill the soul and torment the mind.

have a nice day

Reply to leave

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