Posted by: Anon | 2009-02-16

What to do

I met a guy just over 4 months ago, and when we met he was a very nice guy. Although he had major issues to deal with I gave him the benefit of the situation and went with the flow. Many times he would become emotional and I would even listen to him cry over the phone and advise him. We had a very intense conversation one day where I told him about the physical abusive relationship that I had come out a year prior. I told him that I didnt want to ever be in that situation, once again he sat with tears in his eyes promising me that he would never hurt me and that he never had a girlfriend like me who always comes to his rescue, financially and emotionally. We went away together in December and it was really a good weekend/ After that things just got out of hand, he firstly told me that he needed time out because he was not okay - in his head and heart -. I gave him the time out, initially he said it would be for a month but he asked for more time. Things now have gone horribly wrong, whenever I call him he tells me that I irritate him and that all I do is whine and nag even though I am just checking if he is okay. He degrades me over the phone, when he doesnt want to talk me anymore he puts the phone to the side and has conversations with other people. He even went as far as telling me that I have a psychological problem because all I am interested in is sex and men. This shocks me because we havent been intimate since December and even though he treats me badly I havent pursued anything else. I e-mailed him literature on emotional abuse and he says that I am the problem because I talk too much. This is the very man who told me that he will never hurt me. Last week he called me to ask for a loan, when I wanted to talk about our relationship he tells me that if he knew I was going to talk about that then he would never have called me. I no longer call him and really dont care what happens to him, as far as I am concerned he is no longer a factor in my life. My best friend tells me that these types of men normally run back after a certain time and then acts as if nothing was wrong. I just cant understand why this have gone this bad, because I really thought he was a different person.

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Our expert says:
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Why do you insist on attaching so much significance to this particular guy ? If he has problems, he should see a counsellor and work them out, rather than taking them out on you. Of course you shouldn't give him a loan. Leave him and don't take him back, and move on towards healthier reliationships ? Its sad that so many women insist, in relationships, on doing what would be fatal in financial investments --- they leap into one, invest everything they have in it, and refuse to leave even when every cent they put into it is lost. Learn when to cut your losses ( earlier than you have done in this case, but well done for finally ending it ).

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Our users say:
Posted by: nice | 2009-02-16

you handled it the right way, his gone....if he trys to come back explain to him you have moved on.

i cant believe he asked you for money...!

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