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Posted by: Freaked out | 2011/05/26

What the hell is going on here?

A few months into our relationship, he lied about seeing a guy friend. Sure, he and the ex only met for coffee, the hurt was the lie. A few months later i found out he had had a facebook " affair"  (round about the time he lied about seeing his ex for coffee) and then he told me he was going to take a job in Cape Town (and we had just bought a house together). I made him cancel the house. He never went to Cape Town.

All has been good since then - i have managed to get over the " dishonesty" . I now trust him 100% - although it took a long time.

Today he called to tell me he made a mistake. His car was broken into last week and he then put a fraudulent claim in with the insurers for a very expensive item. For Pete sake, what the hell is going on here... is he a serial lier? Surely dishonesty is dishonesty?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Interesting that after episodes of deception and dishonesty, you now find yourself able to trust him. And now he admits to lying, albeit to an insurance company rather than to you. It just seems that while he may have no direct intention to hurt you or offend you, he has a very different threshold for deception, than you do.
Its really hard to understand why you choose to remain with him, and expect anything other than more of the same, or worse ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Freaked out! | 2011/06/02

Thanks for all the responses. You all have a point... there is part of me that agrees with everything, HOWEVER none of us are perfect, are we?

Be gentle with me please, but is there any redemption here? 3 years is a lot to throw away - BTW : he has owned up to the insurance company (in fact he did so immediately). Naturally, the case will take its course. This does not make it better, but it shows remorse.

??

Reply to Freaked out!
Posted by: babydoll | 2011/05/30

Liar Liar pants on fire.
how will your future transpire...?

I lie too and I try not to, but it becomes a habit and sometimes too easy to do. My BF dumped me and I can actually not blame him. I''m getting help, but until I sort this out I will only hurt others with my lies.

Being honest and open here. This is how it is. He needs help and you don''t need the hurt.

Reply to babydoll
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/28

Interesting that after episodes of deception and dishonesty, you now find yourself able to trust him. And now he admits to lying, albeit to an insurance company rather than to you. It just seems that while he may have no direct intention to hurt you or offend you, he has a very different threshold for deception, than you do.
Its really hard to understand why you choose to remain with him, and expect anything other than more of the same, or worse ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Realist | 2011/05/27

Truth is spot on. You really want to leave his piece of work, the sooner the better. Please do the right thing and report his disgusting fraud to the Insurers. We all pay for those crimes. Its thieves like him that adds to our horrific criminal reputation. Please for all us honest people, report him !!

Reply to Realist
Posted by: K | 2011/05/27

why do you trust him 100%? are you slightly intellectually " slow" ?

rather say you love him, even though he is a BIG FAT LIAR.....that sounds closer to the truth

Reply to K
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/27

Did your parents bring you up to have so little respect for yourself to become involved with such a dishonest person.
What do your own values tell you about someone who commits fraud on an insurance claim?
Why would you consider a relationship with someone as low class as this? As for going forward - would you want to bring children up with this person!
Just Sayings advice is spot on...............there is no point in continuing this relationship-even a friendship is a non starter!

Reply to Truth
Posted by: just saying! | 2011/05/27

He lies to you , has no respect for you or your relationship had coffee with the ex which is a no go , lies and cheat, you know trust him 100% , are you mad, leave the bugger, what else is he not telling you, run lola run, they never change....say this to yourself I DESERVE A LOVING RELATIONSHIP AND RESPECT and stick to it, why are you putting up with his crap?

Reply to just saying!

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